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  • Ways To Protect Custody and Visitation

    One of the most harrowing parts of many divorces is the fight for child custody and visitation. The prospect of not being a part of their children’s lives, or at least having a diminished presence, terrifies many parents. Every situation is different, but in general, there are some dos and don’ts you can use to protect your custody and visitation rights as a parent.

    How Can You Protect Your Custody and Visitation Rights?

    It’s essential to put your best foot forward and portray yourself as a responsible, ideal parent. With that in mind, here are some dos and don’ts to help protect child custody and visitation.

    Do: Work With Your Ex

    Unless there are extreme circumstances in play, as long as both parents are in the picture, there will be some level of contact. Raising a child takes collaboration.

    If you continually show you’re unwilling to do this, it damages your cause. So, put aside your feelings and do what’s best for the kids.

    Even if you don’t particularly like each other, you and your ex have to work together.

    Related Reading: What to Expect from Custody Hearings

    Don’t: Move Out

    When ending a marriage, moving out seems like the natural choice. However, leaving a shared home often hinders your case later when it comes to custody and visitation.

    It’s all about perception with the courts, and it can look like you left children behind or that you’re not a dedicated parent.

    That may not be the case, but in the eyes of the court, it often reflects poorly. And if we’re talking about a heated battle, your ex may trot that out as an example of why you’re not a fit parent.

    Related Reading: Moving Out: What You Need To Know

    Do: Stay A Part Of Your Children’s Daily Life

    Being involved in your child’s daily life is important for many reasons. It helps your relationship, it’s good for both of you, and it may further your cause when it comes to custody and visitation.

    Spending regular quality time with the kids demonstrates in a concrete way the desire to be an involved parent.

    Also, when ruling on custody and the like, the court often tries to minimize drastic changes in schedule and routine. If you’re already an active participant, that’s less likely to change.

    Related Reading: Can I Still Smoke Weed? Legal Marijuana and Child Custody

    Don’t: Allow Your Ex To Remove You From Your Child’s Life

    Remaining a part of your child’s daily life isn’t always as simple as it sounds. This is especially true if your ex actively tries to cut you out of the picture or limit your visitation.

    It’s important to you, your case, and your relationship with your kids to stand up and not let your ex push you around.

    An occasional change of schedule is one thing, but if it becomes a pattern, you should consult your attorney to learn what to do and formulate a plan of action.

    Do: Know Your Rights

    It’s helpful to have an experienced attorney in your corner. But there’s also a lot of other information out there. Read up on custody laws where you live, find out how the courts determine visitation and parenting time, and learn how the state calculates child support.

    The more information you have, the better prepared you’ll be. This often goes a long way toward informing the strategy of your case.

    Don’t: Wait to Act

    It’s vital to take an active approach when it comes to child custody and visitation. A wait-and-see strategy often puts you at a disadvantage.

    Instead of acting, parents too often find themselves reacting to the other party’s actions. Instead of pushing for what you want and need, you spend time and energy going back against your ex.

    Related Reading: What’s in a Parenting Plan?

    Do: Document Everything

    Make sure to document and keep track of everything. Did your ex send an email unjustly denying you a scheduled visit? Save it. The same goes for text messages, social media posts, and voicemails.

    If you legitimately believe your child isn’t safe with your ex, keep records of why. You’ll need to show your work.

    Maintain a chronicle of the time you spend with your kids. That way, if your ex says you’re not involved, you have indisputable proof.

    Whatever claims you make to a judge, collect as much concrete evidence as you can to back up your statements.

    Don’t: Interfere With Your Ex’s Visitation

    You probably have all manner of ill feelings towards your ex. There are bound to be bruised emotions in divorce. But it’s still important for both parents to remain in a child’s life, so long as it’s not dangerous.

    If there’s visitation scheduled, don’t interfere or try to block it. If nothing else, it makes you look petty.

    And if you complain that your ex hampers your visitation, think about how it looks to a judge if you turn around and do the same thing.

    Do: Make Use of Your Parental Rights

    This goes back to remaining a part of your child’s life, but if you have parental rights, exercise them. If a temporary custody order gives you regular visitation, take advantage of that. Spend as much time with your kids as possible.

    This includes significant, special events, but also everyday things like homework or watching a movie. One, it’s beneficial to the kids and the parent-child bond. Two, it strengthens your case as an involved, concerned, dedicated parent. Simply being there often goes a long way.

    Don’t: Arrive Late, Reschedule, or Cancel

    Schedules change, last-minute complications arise, and sometimes things just don’t work out. That happens. But as much as possible, if you have a visit scheduled, don’t show up late, reschedule, or cancel.

    Not only is this frustrating for your children—it’s hard to get expectations up and have them not met—but it also leaves a negative impression. Consistently missing visits paints a picture of a parent who puts other things ahead of the children and their needs.

    Do: Abide By Temporary Court Rulings

    While the court deliberates over awarding child custody and visitation, the judge will likely dole out temporary orders. These can include:

    • Interim custody.
    • A visitation schedule.
    • Dividing holidays.
    • Child support.

    Stick to these. If you don’t, you can wind up facing contempt charges. At the very least, this makes you look unwilling to cooperate or that you don’t have the children’s best interests in mind.

    Related Reading: Violating Divorce Agreements: When To File A Motion For Contempt

    Don’t: Trash Talk Your Ex To The Kids

    Again, you may hate your ex. But while you’re with the kids, keep those feelings under wraps. Don’t use them as pawns in custody battles or try to turn them against your ex.

    Not only is it unhealthy for them, but if it appears you’re trying to manipulate them or turn them against your ex, it reflects negatively on your case.

    Instead of trying to make your ex look bad, focus on making yourself look good. Be the absolute best parent you can be. That helps your case so much more than going negative. It’s also much better for your kids.

    Do: Hire An Attorney Experienced in Child Custody and Visitation

    These cases are often complicated and messy. Flaring tempers and heated emotions only amplify this. It’s most likely in your best interest to hire an experienced child custody attorney.

    This is especially true if your ex enlists the help of a lawyer. Not only can a litigator guide you through the process, but when things get hot and you may not act rationally, an attorney can help calm things down and advise you on the best way to proceed.

    Other Reading: Establishing Paternity in Washington

  • What makes a good divorce lawyer?

    The notion of the “best” divorce attorneys is a subjective matter. Each case is a different endeavor, with particular requirements and parameters. There are, however, common qualities that often combine to make a good divorce lawyer.

    One of the most important decisions you may make during this process is hiring a lawyer to represent you and your interests. More than finding what someone else thinks is the best divorce lawyer, you should search for one who best fits the needs of your case.

    Related Reading: The Average Cost of Divorce in Washington

    What to Look For In A Divorce Attorney

    As we said, it’s most important to find representation that suits you, your case, and your specific circumstances. It can be a daunting search. In the end, however, choosing the right lawyer for your situation will be well worth the time and effort.

    At Goldberg Jones in Seattle, our managing attorney plays matchmaker in a way. He pairs clients with the lawyer he believes to be the best fit for their situation.

    While each case is unique, there are qualities that great divorce lawyers have in common. This list is far from exhaustive, but here are qualities to consider when looking for representation.

    Related Experience:

    Everyone has to start somewhere, but with a matter as important as your divorce, you want to put yourself in sturdy, practiced hands if possible. Knowing your attorney has experience with the distinctive elements of your case can be a huge comfort.

    Trusting that your lawyer has seen similar situations before and is well aware of how to proceed goes a long way toward easing your stress level and soothing your state of mind. For example, if you have custody issues, look for an attorney with experience in that area.

    Good Communication Skills:

    There will likely be a great deal of back-and-forth between the two sides during your divorce. Your attorney needs to sit down with you, hear your wants, desires, and needs, and communicate them to the other side in a clear, concise manner.

    Listening skills, confidence speaking in public, and being able to accurately convey information and articulate your stance are essential parts of this process.

    People Skills:

    Going hand in hand with strong communication, the best divorce attorneys need to employ excellent interpersonal and social skills. Divorce is an emotional situation. Tempers flare and things quickly become tense and heated.

    Depending on how contentious the proceedings become, the ability to maintain composure, calm intense feelings, and retain an even, professional demeanor and civility in tough times all come into play. Being a people person helps smooth out these tense interactions.

    Analytical And Research Skills:

    Preparing a legal strategy is complicated. Each case involves a large volume of facts, documents, records, and more. Your lawyer needs to absorb and interpret all of this material.

    From there, he or she must organize the information, distill it down, and determine the best way to move forward.

    Being able to make sense of all of the pertinent factors, how they impact the divorce, and to quickly and effectively research the legal questions in play, are important attributes for the best divorce lawyers to possess.

    Judgment:

    With the massive amount of information divorce attorneys ingest, processing everything logically is also key. This becomes crucial to developing a strategy.

    Being able to critically examine the particulars helps when it comes to identifying potential weak spots in an argument, both yours and theirs, and reinforcing your bargaining position.

    Impeccable judgment comes into play in decision-making. There will often be little time for indecisiveness, and your best interests hang in the balance of each choice.

    Creativity:

    As much as logical thinking, judgment, and analytical skills figure into your divorce proceedings, creative problem-solving and the ability to improvise on the fly are also important qualities to look for in a divorce attorney.

    Problems and roadblocks appear out of nowhere. Great lawyers possess the ability to think on their feet and present innovative, rational, reasonable solutions when the need arises.

    Dedication:

    Even in the simplest cases, divorce is not a quick or easy process. Depending on the situation, you may be in for a long, drawn-out legal action.

    The best divorce attorneys will be dedicated and willing to put in the time and energy to see it through. (Even just becoming a lawyer in the first place shows a remarkable level of commitment.)

    Cases often involve long hours of deliberation, in-depth research, and extended mediation sessions. This requires a great deal of perseverance on your lawyer’s part.

    Competitiveness:

    Divorce isn’t always hyper-contentious, but even in the best of times, if both sides enlist the help of an attorney, there’s likely at least some degree of conflict.

    Your lawyer’s job is to represent your voice and interests and to ensure as many of your conditions are met as possible.

    In this situation, a little competitive spirit and a hate-to-lose attitude may not be the worst trait. We like to use the term, ‘appropriately aggressive’. It’s important to know when to fight, but also when it might be better to ease off the throttle.

    Every divorce is different. The best divorce attorney for you may not be the best divorce attorney for everyone else.

    Circumstances and the specifics of your situation will likely influence what you look for when seeking out representation, but many great family law practitioners do share these common traits.

    Related Reading: Protect Your Business in Divorce: What You Should Know

  • Does Divorce Hurt Your Credit? Rebuilding Finances After Divorce

    Ending a marriage has a massive impact on almost every aspect of your life. In one fell swoop, marital status, living situation, the time you spend with your kids, and more change drastically. One area where it often has a devastating effect is when it comes to money. The questions of how to rebuild your finances and credit after divorce often arise.

    Does Divorce Hurt My Credit?

    The quick answer to this question is that divorce can damage your credit. Especially if you don’t keep an eye on it and let your finances get out of hand.

    During the process, you and your ex split up all of your shared assets. Even though the goal is for each party to maintain a lifestyle similar to that enjoyed during the marriage, finances often take a hit.

    You may wind up on the hook for a mortgage or car payment. Child and spousal support often factor into the equation. Or it may be as simple as struggling to pay all the bills from a single paycheck for the first time.

    Luckily there are some things you can do now, and ways to help rebuild finances and protect your credit after finalizing your divorce.

    Related Reading: The Average Cost of Divorce in Washington

    Inventory Your Finances

    The best place to begin is to take stock of what you have. Catalog your income, all of your expenses, assets, and debts. You can use a spreadsheet, a notebook, post-it notes, or whatever tool you’re most comfortable with.

    List all open accounts, assess any investments, and collect what remains of your economic life after divorce. This provides a comprehensive picture of your finances.

    Related Reading: Should I File for Divorce First?

    Protect Your Credit Score

    Your credit score influences everything from applying for home and car loans to renting a new house to career opportunities. It can also take a hit when a marriage ends, so it’s important to keep an eye on it and rehab it when necessary.

    As you separate, you and you and your spouse will likely have an overlap period where you both have access to shared money. Make sure to keep a careful eye on any joint accounts or debts.

    A recent article from financial experts compiled four helpful steps to protect your credit during a divorce. These measures help guard against sudden drops in your score, your ex racking up secret debt, or surprise unpaid bills on shared accounts.

    Related Reading: Is an Inheritance Separate or Community Property in Divorce?

    Examine Your Credit Report

    Become familiar with your credit. You already should be, but if not, get to it.

    This means knowing exactly what accounts link to your credit score. It’s important to know what connects to your spouse and what you have on your own.

    Throughout years of marriage, it’s easy to forget about accounts, or not realize how they affect your standing.

    The easiest way to correct this is to pull credit reports from the three credit bureaus, Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. This helps you differentiate between personal and joint accounts.

    Note all authorized users on joint accounts. Authorized users can be removed to cut off their access. Taking someone off an account is often fairly easy. This also means your ex’s spending no longer reflects on your credit score.

    Related Reading: How Long Does Divorce Take?

    Split Joint Accounts ASAP

    If you can, work to separate joint accounts early on in the process.

    Things often get tense as divorces continue. It may be easier to agree to close accounts, split earned rewards, and the like before things become testy.

    If spouses hold joint accounts on credit cards, any missed, late, or non-payments adversely affect both parties’ credit.

    Closing out all shared accounts rather than splitting who is responsible for each is usually the best idea according to experts. Even if you decide your ex pays a certain card, missed payments still impact you if you remain on the account.

    Be aware that closing accounts does cause a dip in your credit score.

    However, this is usually only temporary and should bounce back once you open and use new accounts. It’s also key to be consistent and on time with payments. This helps ensure your credit score remains as strong as possible.

    Related Reading: Dividing Debt In Washington State

    Contact Your Creditors

    Another step: contact your creditors to let them know of your change in marital status.

    Before closing joint accounts, credit card companies require you to pay off any remaining balance. If you owe nothing, you and your ex can simply shut it down.

    If you still owe, you may have to discuss payment plans, refinancing a debt into one person’s name, or transferring the balance to an individual account. You and your ex may be able to agree to sell off an asset to pay what you owe.

    Whatever system you work out, it’s always best to get the terms in writing. Always.

    Related Reading: Sweat Equity in Divorce

    Freeze Your Credit

    Freezing your credit is an extreme step, but one that might be necessary to protect your credit score. Especially if you have concerns about your spouse opening new accounts in your name without your consent.

    Freezing credit simply means no one can open new lines of credit in your name, not even you. It’s free and all you need to do is contact the three credit bureaus. You can freeze your credit for a specific amount of time or indefinitely while you get your situation in hand.

    Related Reading: How the Division of Property Works in Washington

    Create A Balanced Budget

    Once you have a handle on your assets and obligations, the next step to rebuilding finances and credit after divorce is to balance your budget. Monthly expenses change after a marriage ends. Knowing what comes in and what goes out is key.

    It’s important to track your expenses and be aware of how much you spend, and where.

    You can use a simple Excel spreadsheet, but there are many online tools and apps available as well. And more pop up every day. It’s all about finding one that works for you and, most importantly, that you will use.

    Related Reading: Contested Versus Uncontested Divorce

    Financial Safety Net

    Having a financial safety net is hugely important now that you’re single. Many experts suggest having a cushion of at least three to six months’ worth of living expenses set aside just in case. This provides a buffer in case of an emergency.

    That’s great if you can pull it off, but it’s also a substantial chunk of change and many simply can’t pull it off.

    Still, set aside what you can in case of the unexpected. Many banks and credit unions offer free initial consultations with financial planners. This may be an option worth exploring to assess your current finances and establish goals to rebuild your finances and credit after a divorce.

    Related Reading: Dividing a Home in Divorce

    Prioritize Expenses

    Similar to budgeting, you should also establish or reestablish financial priorities after a divorce.

    • What are your most important expenses?
    • Where can you trim the fat?
    • Do you need to build up your retirement or invest in your children’s college fund?

    These are a couple of common questions to ask yourself, but there are many others.

    Figuring out what’s most pressing and important helps provide an economic roadmap and show you where you need to focus, and where you don’t.

    Related Reading: How Mediation Works in Divorce

    Examine Your Taxes and New Filing Status

    People often fail to account for taxes and their impact in the wake of divorce.

    Some assets received in the division of property are subject to taxes and fees. But the biggest way divorce impacts your tax future is in your filing status. You’re no longer married, after all, so you don’t get to file as such.

    Moving forward, you may want to change your withholdings or even alter your investment strategy depending on the impact. Knowing how your taxes change is also a key step to helping rebuild finances after divorce.

    Related Reading: How Is A Business Handled in Divorce? Can You Protect It?

    Make A Clean Break

    Once you finalize the divorce, it’s important to make a clean break moving forward.

    As we said, deal with any joint accounts. If your spouse runs up debts on a shared credit card, that may hurt your credit. Creditors may even come after you for payment.

    In the division of property, it’s common for one spouse to get things like a car or home. But what many people fail to realize is that divorce doesn’t automatically alter any financial agreements you entered into while married.

    Make sure to remove your name from any applicable loans, mortgages, titles, or deeds. If your ex misses payments and your name is still on the paperwork, it can come back to haunt you.

    No one wants to start in a hole trying to rebuild finances after divorce, so do what you can to protect yourself now.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

    Have A Plan To Rebuild Finances After Divorce

    Making a plan goes a long way towards helping rebuild finances after divorce. Take any of these strategies, among many others, and draw a roadmap of where you want to go and how to get there.

    Some people accomplish this on their own, while others enlist the services of financial professionals. It often looks like a daunting or overwhelming task, but it helps to have a concrete plan to look at.

    Many steps go into trying to rebuild finances and credit after divorce. These are just a few. What you can accomplish depends on your resources, abilities, and circumstances. But you don’t have to be in a monetary hole forever.

    Related Reading: Splitting Debt in Divorce

  • Surviving Thanksgiving for Divorced Dads

    Thanksgiving is upon us. Though it’s traditionally full of family, friends, and other loved ones, this can be a tough time of year for newly divorced dads. You may feel alone, especially if you don’t have your kids for the holiday. But there are ways to cope and survive what can be a difficult time.

    Most custody arrangements split major holidays between the parents. Part of establishing the parenting plan during divorce usually involves hashing this out. Every family is different, so how this shakes out varies a great deal.

    • Sometimes couples split the holidays, like mom gets Christmas, while dad takes Thanksgiving.
    • Another common strategy is to alternate years. You get Thanksgiving next year, but this year the kids spend it with your ex.

    However the situation unfolds, holidays feel like they’re missing a major ingredient without your kids in the mix. 

    Feelings of sadness and depression may set in. Especially for newly divorced dads. Over time, you’ll probably come to terms with the situation, get used to it, and figure out ways to deal. But that first time stings the most.

    Fortunately, you don’t have to wallow in misery and have a pity party. That’s not healthy for anyone. There are ways to deal with divorce on Thanksgiving, and here are just a few tips and suggestions to help you through.

    Related Reading: Awesome Movies to Watch With Your Kids

    Celebrate Thanksgiving Another Way

    Just because Thanksgiving falls on a specific day doesn’t mean that’s when you have to celebrate. You don’t even have to see your kids in person. Set up a Zoom or Facetime celebration if you can’t see them face-to-face.

    And there’s no law against eating turkey on a day before or after the holiday proper—trust us, we’re lawyers, we looked into it. Your kids might even love having a second Thanksgiving.

    Do Something Fun On Your Own

    Even though you may be on your own, that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself. Don’t waste the day off feeling sorry for yourself or moping. There’s nothing wrong with being alone and enjoying your time.

    You can go to the movies, watch Thanksgiving Day football games at a sports bar, and eat whatever you want. You can always volunteer somewhere and take your mind off of your problems for a while and do some good for your community.

    Rally The Troops

    There’s no reason you have to be alone on Thanksgiving, even if your children are with you’re your ex. Maybe you know other people in similar situations, who can’t be with family for one reason or another. A “Friendsgiving” is an increasingly popular option.

    You’re probably not the only one looking for some comradery on the holiday. And if you make it a potluck, you don’t even have to do all the cooking and cleaning yourself. Everyone wins.

    Start New Thanksgiving Traditions

    You may have to pack up an old tradition and put it away, but what better time to start a new one? Or at least plan for something new. 

    Get with your kids and talk about what you want to do when this is all over. It can be a big, grand adventure, like a trip, or something small, like a movie date. Talk about what you want to do next Thanksgiving and maybe plan for a new family holiday ritual.

    Talk to Your Kids

    Whatever you ultimately decide to do, the most important thing is to talk to your kids.

    • You’re going through a tough, tumultuous time. But so are they.
    • Your life changed dramatically. So did theirs.
    • Remind them how much they mean to you and how much you care about them.
    • It’s vital to take steps to ensure they’re comfortable, secure, and understand the new situation.
    • Do what you can to make sure they have a happy, fun Thanksgiving.
    • In general, after divorce, open lines of communication with your kids are key, but it’s especially critical on holidays and other major events.
    • Remember, this isn’t only about you.

    These are just a few tips and suggestions to help newly divorced dads through Thanksgiving. It can be tough, but remember, it’s a holiday designed for giving thanks and being grateful for what you do have, not what you don’t.

    You may not feel like dwelling on the positive, but it’s better than the alternative. Take care of yourself, hug your kids, eat too much, and watch football. In short, take the time to appreciate the good things.

    Related Reading: Tips to Keep Custody Exchanges Civil

  • What Is Divorce Arbitration? Is it The Right Choice?

    Going to court during a divorce is stressful, hectic, and expensive. Among other things. There are, however, other options besides a trial for ending a marriage. One path many couples choose is arbitration. It can be complicated and doesn’t fit every situation, but it may be right for your case.

    What Is Divorce Arbitration?

    In family law, arbitration is an alternate dispute resolution (ADR). That’s a fancy way of saying it’s an option besides the traditional method of going to court, presenting arguments, and having a judge rule.

    In arbitration, the parties contractually agree to handle the matter privately. The two sides enlist a third-party arbitrator to meet with everyone and decide the issues at hand.

    In this way, divorcing couples work to reach terms on child custody, property division, who gets the pets, spousal support, child support, and other topics that arise during the process.

    As it is voluntary, both spouses must agree to enter into family law arbitration. No one can be compelled into this undertaking against their will.

    When you do sign the agreement, however, it is legally binding. Both sides consent to have their dispute settled in this arena and abide by the ultimate decision.

    As with any legal option, it’s likely in your best interest to consult an attorney or experienced professional before entering into any binding agreement. Because it’s not the court, if things aren’t going their way, some people think they can get out of arbitration in the middle.

    With a few exceptions, that’s not an option unless the other party approves as well. But if they’re winning, why would they do that?

    Also, because it’s not the court, you can’t appeal any rulings handed down. Yet another reason to carefully consider all the options ahead of time.

    Related Reading:  Are Divorce Records Public?

    How Does the Process Work?

    While it has been used for years in various legal proceedings, arbitration has become a popular tool in divorce. Though it’s not a trial, the process does have some of the earmarks of a court proceeding.

    Similar to a traditional trial, in arbitration, both sides prepare cases, lay out arguments, and present evidence to support their claims.

    Instead of doing this before a judge, they do so in front of an arbitrator, often a lawyer or a retired judge who you pay.

    Most likely, if you and your spouse have each retained divorce attorneys, they will decide on an appropriate choice to oversee your case.

    Despite parallels, arbitration is usually much less formal than a courtroom setting.

    Why Choose Arbitration?

    Privacy: One of the big draws of arbitration is its relative privacy. Though court documents will still be public records, the actual proceeding is not public, unlike a trial. It’s just you, your spouse, your representation, and the arbitrator. No need to air dirty laundry in public.

    Cost: Though arbitration can still be expensive, it most often costs substantially less than going to court.

    Speed: A big part of why arbitration usually costs less than a trial is that it’s often much faster. The process itself doesn’t take as long, and with different, less strict rules and regulations, divorce lawyers often don’t have to spend as much time in preparation.

    Flexibility and Convenience: It can take months to set a court hearing. And when that finally happens, they rarely take your schedule into account. Arbitration, on the other hand, can be scheduled at your convenience, when it works best for the two sides. A date can also usually be arranged much quicker than a trial.

    Less Formal: Arbitration is a much less formal affair than a trial and has simpler rules. This environment puts some people at ease. It often soothes the heightened tensions of court, gives participants more opportunity to speak up, and leads to the two sides working better together.

    Related Reading: What is Mediation? Different Types of Mediation Styles

    Why Arbitration May Be The Wrong Choice

    In certain cases, arbitration offers significant benefits. That’s not to say it isn’t without potential disadvantages.

    The fact that, unlike court, there is no appeal process for unfavorable decisions turns some people off to arbitration.

    Especially as divorce cases can be unpredictable, the idea of being stuck with the resolution unsettles some.

    Though an arbitration agreement is binding, if your spouse doesn’t abide by it, you may still have to go to court to enforce the order. This takes a lot of time and money, and perhaps a middle step could have been avoided.

    An alternative to a traditional divorce trial, arbitration is a good option in certain cases. Though it’s a great choice at times, another option is preferable at others.

    As with most legal decisions, it’s in your best interest to consult a divorce lawyer beforehand. Make sure you fully explore and understand all of your options before making such a monumental decision.

    Related Reading: A Look At Divorce Rates By Generation

  • Do Grandparents Have Custody or Visitation Rights in Washington?

    Families often include much more than just parents and children. Extended families are common and grandparents frequently play large roles in a child’s life. When it comes to custody and visitation, however,  do grandparents have rights in Washington?

    As so often happens in family law matters, this situation gets complicated fast. While many states have provisions and laws to secure visitation rights for grandparents, Washington does not.

    Unfortunately, when it comes to grandparents’ rights, the state of the law in Washington is fairly tough. Grandparents’ rights are nearly non-existent. You will only see grandparents get involved when a parent is incapable of filling the parent role. In those instances, you may see a grandparent step in as a third-party custodian.

  • Dividing Retirement Benefits in Divorce: Common Financial Mistakes

    Ending a marriage has drastic financial implications, regardless of the spouses’ ages. But the longer the marriage, the more complicated a divorce becomes. In many cases of so-called gray divorce, you must address dividing retirement benefits, Social Security, and other specific financial issues.

    What Is Gray Divorce?

    Gray divorce generally refers to spouses over the age of 50 who end their marriage. The divorce rate for couples over 50 has more than doubled over the last 20 years. Roughly one in four divorces involve couples aged 50 and older, while approximately one in ten involve couples aged 65 and older.

    Is Gray Divorce Different?

    The same laws govern divorce at any age. However, couples approaching retirement face several unique potential pitfalls and challenges. Here are some common mistakes to avoid in divorce as you near retirement.

    What Retirement Benefits Are You Entitled To?

    Throughout a marriage, spouses’ lives intertwine. As time passes by, you become eligible for certain retirement benefits based on your spouse.

    • For unions lasting over ten years, you may be eligible to receive Social Security based on your ex’s work history.
    • If your spouse served in the military, you are entitled to collect a portion of any pension.

    A number of such potential allowances exist, but if you’re not aware of them, you may leave money on the table.

    Social Security Eligibility After Divorce

    Being married for a minimum of ten years entitles you to half of your spouse’s Social Security benefits after divorce. That’s great, but, as with most things involving the government, it’s not that simple.

    You must be at least 62 years old and currently unmarried.

    Whether or not your ex remarries is beside the point. However, your ex must also be eligible for Social Security in the first place. If you hope to collect based on your ex’s work history, any benefit must be larger than your own.

    Simply put, you get one or the other, not both. What you receive also depends on when you take them—if you wait until full retirement age, you will receive a higher amount.

    Related Reading: 11 Strategies to Know Before Filing for Divorce

    Common Financial Mistakes in Gray Divorce

    Even beyond dividing retirement benefits, gray divorce presents several other unique and challenging concerns. To achieve the best settlement, it is essential to be aware of these and other potential issues.

    Don’t Automatically Choose The House Over Other Assets

    In many divorces, a shared home is often the most significant asset to be divided between the parties. It makes sense. This is, for most of us, the most expensive, significant thing we’ll ever buy. Also, it’s where we’ve lived for years, it’s our home. As a result, many people fight tooth and nail to keep the house.

    However, this may not always be the best financial choice. Houses cost money to maintain and are often difficult to liquidate, depending on your market.

    A more prudent move may be to withdraw retirement funds and let your spouse retain the house. Another option is to sell the house and split the proceeds. That’s money you can use to bolster your retirement savings.

    Related Reading: A House Divided: Splitting Up the Home in Divorce

    Don’t Ignore Tax Implications Of Retirement Benefits

    Ignore the tax implications of retirement benefits divided in divorce at your peril. You may think you’re getting one amount but wind up with something very different.

    It’s important to know the differences between things like a traditional 401(k) or IRA versus a Roth IRA or Roth 401(k). In this instance, one is taxable, one is not.

    When you withdraw money from a standard IRA or 401(k), the IRS taxes you when you remove money. So, if you have a $100,000 401(k), you wind up with substantially less.

    On the other hand, with a Roth IRA, you pay the taxes when the money is deposited into the account, not when you make a withdrawal. The money is taxed ahead of time.

    On paper, a $200,000 IRA and a $200,000 Roth IRA may look the same, but in practice, they’re pretty different. Knowing such details may give you a leg up.

    Related Reading: Can You File For Bankruptcy During a Divorce?

    Don’t Raid Retirement Savings

    It’s often tempting to dip into retirement savings early. After all, it looks like this big chunk of cash is just sitting there, waiting to be spent. This is especially enticing if you rack up significant expenses or lose income during the divorce process.

    However, remember that every time you make a withdrawal, you erode your retirement savings. Not to mention, you face taxes, fees, and penalties for early withdrawals. It may be worth it or even necessary in some situations, but make this decision carefully.

    Be Aware Of Mutual Debt

    Washington is a community property state, which has a substantial impact on divorce settlements. Under these statutes, the court views all assets acquired during a marriage as belonging equally to both spouses and subsequently divides the property accordingly.

    So, too, is debt.

    This is an issue in marriages of all lengths, but if your spouse has been building debt for years without your knowledge, you could be in for a nasty surprise.

    If you’re close to retirement, you don’t want to start a new phase of your life in a deep hole. It’s yet another reminder to keep a close eye on the family finances, all of them.

    Like most situations involving money and ending a marriage, things get complicated when it comes to divorce and retirement. There’s a lot to consider and many moving parts, and these are just a few.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided During A Divorce?

  • Parental Relocation: Can Your Ex Move With Your Child?

    In most situations, divorce represents a life-changing event with lasting repercussions. After a traumatic experience, after ending a marriage, many people want to get as far away as possible. If it’s just you, relocation is simple enough. However, when children are involved, matters become more complicated.

    We generally talk about this as if your ex wants to relocate with the kids. In reality, however, the same rules and restrictions also apply if you plan to move.

    What if your ex has custody and wants to relocate?

    Child custody is a huge point of concern and contention in many divorces. One component of a parenting plan is where the parent with primary custody lives with the children.

    Moving to a new house within the same school district is one thing. In these cases, the noncustodial parent has no grounds to object, though the new contact information must be shared.

    But a great distance, outside of the child’s current school district or to another state for example, is something else entirely.

    There are many reasons for relocating after a divorce. Escaping negative memories, new career and employment opportunities, and being near family, friends, or a support system. All of these factors and more often play a part in the decision.

    Parenting Plans And Relocation

    Creating a parenting plan is a significant part of the divorce process when children are involved.

    This is where you and your spouse work out the details regarding your respective parenting responsibilities. The two sides must arrange for primary custody, visitation, child support, and other matters.

    Laying the groundwork for a parenting plan can be a challenge in the best of circumstances. Schedules come into play, and all manner of logistical concerns arise.

    It’s difficult enough to set up vacations, weekend visits, soccer games, after-school activities, and all the rest even if you and your ex live in the same place.

    A great deal of effort goes into this document. Ultimately, your parenting plan has a significant impact on whether you or your ex can relocate with your children.

    To move, the custodial parent must file for a modification to the current custody agreement and obtain permission.

    If there isn’t a parenting plan or custody order in play, the custodial parent may be free to move at will. At least as long as there are no violations of Washington’s laws against custodial interference or the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act.

    The parent who does not have the majority of residential time often seeks our services to prevent the intended relocation of the other parent, or to assist in negotiating or litigating a new reasonable Parenting Plan.

    However, a parent who spends most of their time with their children may need our assistance in following the proper procedures to facilitate the move.

    Related Reading: What Does a Parenting Plan Include?

    Parental Relocation Hearings

    The good news for you is that in most cases, your ex can’t simply decide to relocate with the kids.

    Like most things regarding kids, there’s a strict process and a procedure to follow, and you have recourse. Moving away without the court’s express permission can result in contempt charges, fines, and even imprisonment.

    The most common way to obtain this authorization is through a relocation hearing. If your ex wants to relocate with the kids, unless you’re okay with that, you’ll likely wind up in front of a judge.

    In Washington, the custodial parent is required to give a minimum of 60 days notice before the move. Once notice is served, the noncustodial parent has 30 days to file a formal objection.

    After that, the court sets a trial to determine whether the move represents the child’s best interests.

    Related Reading: Guardian Ad Litem: What You Need to Know

    How Does The Court Decide on Relocation?

    When it comes to child custody and matters involving minors, the best interests of the kids trump almost everything else.

    This is what the courts weigh most heavily in these matters. Much more than parental preference or convenience.

    Your ex may argue that moving to a new area enhances the children’s quality of life.

    Perhaps there’s a new job or financial opportunity, an extended network of family to provide childcare, or increased stability. Remarriage is also a common drive in these cases. The child’s needs may be better met in a new environment.

    There are numerous reasons why people choose to relocate.

    If you hope to block a move, you have to show that where the child lives currently is the best possible situation. This can be tough, however, and the custodial parent usually has the edge.

    The strain of removing the child from a familiar environment and reducing contact with the non-custodial parent are two elements that contribute to this.

    What Does The Court Look At When Making a Decision?

      • What motivation or desire prompted the relocation?
      • Are there advantages that benefit the child and improve their life?
      • Why do you oppose this move?
      • What are the logistics and financial impact?
      • What disadvantages will the move cause?
      • Is it possible to arrange a reasonable visitation schedule that preserves the parental relationship with the non-custodial parent?
      • What’s the likelihood that the parent with primary custody will honor the agreement?
      • Will a move truly afford the child(ren) an opportunity to form a relationship and bond with extended members of their family?

    In Washington State, the primary burden is actually upon the non-custodial parent. If the parent with primary custody desires to remove the child from the state, you must demonstrate that keeping the child in the state is in the child’s best interest.

    Do You Have To Go to Court If Your Ex Wants to Relocate?

    Relocation hearings don’t always happen when one parent wants to move away or out of state. If you and your ex can work out the details together, it’s possible to arrange it on your own. It may be complicated, but it is an option.

    In the case of an out-of-state move, both parents must give their consent and sign the appropriate documents. Before relocation occurs, a judge must also sign off on the matter and approve the move.

    How To Make It Work

    No matter how prepared you are, your ex may be granted permission to relocate with your children.

    Ideally, this decision will truly be what’s best for the kids, not one made out of spite or bitterness. However, that doesn’t make being apart from your family any easier.

    A great distance creates a new set of logistical problems to overcome.

    As your usual visitation won’t likely work anymore, you’ll have to make other arrangements.

    Instead of weekly overnights, perhaps your ex will make additional concessions. You may be able to coordinate more extended visits during holidays, summer vacations, or school breaks.

    Travel is another issue you face after relocation. If the distance is too long to reasonably drive, the kids will likely have to fly back and forth.

    In this situation, who pays for the plane tickets? Are the kids old enough to fly by themselves? If you go to them and make the effort to visit the new city, you incur your travel costs.

    These are all issues that you must confront and address. Ideally, both parties are amicable and able to work out a mutually beneficial arrangement for everyone involved.

    Related Reading: Co-Parenting Strategies for Divorced Parents

    Communication

    Even if you aren’t able to visit your children in person as often, you still have other ways to stay in touch.

    With cell phones, text messages, video chats, and social media, there are more tools available than ever before. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you don’t have opportunities to interact and stay a regular part of your child’s routine.

    Though there may be a great physical distance, you can remain an active part of your child’s life.

    • Make sure that the flow of information doesn’t dry up.
    • Do your best to keep up to date on their daily lives.
    • Whether it’s medical appointments, baseball games, grades, or disciplinary issues, keep the lines of communication as open as possible.

    These often seem like mundane details, but they are essential for maintaining an active presence as your child continues to grow.

    Preparing for Relocation

    The level of communication between you and your ex after divorce will likely vary a great deal. However, if you have kids, there will necessarily be some form of interaction.

    Ideally, if your former spouse intends to relocate, they’ll tell you well in advance.

    As we said, they’re legally required to give 60 days’ notice, but hopefully, they provide more than the bare  minimum. Even if it’s just an idea, or they let you know they applied for a job in a new city, hopefully they broach the subject well in advance.

    The more notice you receive, the more time you have to prepare. Either to contest the proposed move or to hammer out the logistics of the new arrangement.

    If you do plan to fight relocation, and the two sides can’t agree, consider hiring an attorney to help with the court process. These trials can become complex and contentious, and it’s usually your best option to have someone represent your rights and interests.

    Moving Forward

    If you don’t have a custody order or aren’t planning to obtain one, please recognize its significance. Understand that your parental rights may already be in jeopardy if you don’t have primary custody and your former spouse has a reasonable argument to move away with your kids.

    Whether they have a new spouse from a different area, a job that necessitates a move, or need to care for sick relatives, the bottom line is that unless you, the non-custodial parent, have a compelling reason to prevent your ex from relocating, it’s tricky to stop a move legally.

    Related Reading: Can You Modify Child Support Payments?

  • Co-Parenting Strategies

    The papers are signed, the assets divided, and the logistics all worked out. Everything’s done and over, and you never have to see your now-ex ever again, right? In some cases, the answer is a resounding yes. If you have children, however, it’s not always so easy. Welcome to the brave new world of co-parenting, these co-parenting strategies just might save your life. Or at least your sanity.

    What Is Co-Parenting?

    Co-parenting is when a couple breaks up, divorces, or otherwise separates, but continues to work together to raise a child or children. This basically becomes your new reality in one form or another.

    When a divorce involves kids, a key part of the process in Washington is the parenting plan. This lays out custody, visitation, child support payments, and how much time each parent spends with the kids.

    For most people, co-parenting represents a substantial change and the adjustment can be tough. You’ve got scheduling and logistical hurdles to clear. Then there’s the fact that you have to communicate with and most likely see your ex, which can be difficult for some.

    Co-Parenting Strategies

    Kids go through a lot in divorce. Co-parenting is no picnic for them, either. Just as you need to take care as you traverse this rugged terrain, you need to make sure they also have the tools to contend with a tumultuous, emotional time.

    With that in mind, here are some suggestions and potential co-parenting strategies for keeping things as smooth as possible.

    1. Communication and Co-Parenting Strategies

    There are visitation schedules to arrange, vacations to plan for, and it’s important each parent lets the other know what’s going on in a child’s life. How much work this takes depends on how amicable you and your ex are after the split.

    This is often difficult, but fortunately, we live in an age of technological marvels that can lend a hand.

    If you can’t talk in person or on the phone without arguing, email, text messages, social media, and instant messaging services provide alternative ways to stay in touch. Various online co-parenting tools and smartphone apps also help balance hectic schedules.

    2. Co-Parenting and Consistency

    Kids tend to push back and test boundaries in new situations. When rules and expectations change from one parent to the next, problems often arise. Consistency across the board is essential to keep things from going too far.

    Establishing a uniform structure between homes often reduces conflict. The kids can’t say, “But dad lets me…” or “At mom’s house…” because you already know the rules about homework, bedtime, and all the rest.

    Not only does this provide stability after an unstable time, it makes day-to-day life easier.

    3. Co-Parenting And Schedules

    While consistency is key in co-parenting, another big part of that is maintaining a regular schedule.

    Watching parents go through a divorce is often confusing and disorienting for kids. Keeping a steady schedule goes a long way toward creating a sense of stability and normalcy. This way they know where they’ll be, who they’ll see, and what to expect.

    Children lead increasingly busy, hectic lives, and changes are bound to happen. When they do, it’s important to let the kids know as far in advance as possible, so they know what to anticipate.

    4. Stay Positive

    For the sake of your children, it’s important to commit to keeping a positive attitude in co-parenting.

    Try your best not to fight—often easier said than done—your kids have likely seen enough of that to last a lifetime. Don’t badmouth your ex in front of, or especially to your kids.

    You don’t have to like your ex, but for the kids, try to keep your emotions in check. It isn’t always easy to avoid, but bitterness doesn’t do anyone any good, and your kids first and foremost.

    And never use your children as tools for revenge or retribution. It will come back to haunt you in many ways.

    5. Love Your Kids

    This probably sounds obvious, but it’s a detail that too often gets lost in the shuffle. How the custody arrangement shakes out impacts a parent’s relationship with their kids. No matter what, it’s never going to be exactly the same as it was.

    The parent with primary physical custody may feel overwhelmed by taking care of everything. On the other hand, if you only see your kids every other weekend, it can make you feel isolated. It’s easy to focus on these aspects and wallow, but it’s vital to remind your kids how much you care about them.

    Even though you may have unequal parenting time, each parent remains a key part of the child’s life. Remind them that they’re loved and cared for. Show them and tell them how much they mean to you.

    Co-parenting after divorce isn’t always easy, but there are ways to make it work. These are just a few tools and strategies that may prove useful, though you’ll have to see what works best for you and your situation.

    If nothing else, remember that your kids are what’s most important. Keep that in mind and you’re at least on the right track.

    Related Reading: What Does a Parenting Plan Include?

  • Verifying Post-Secondary Support Payments

    In most cases following divorce, child support payments end when a child turns 18, or when they graduate high school, whichever comes later. There are scenarios where it continues, and post-secondary education is probably the most common. In this situation, payments continue beyond the child’s 18th birthday.

    These payments are expensive—it’s no surprise college is pricey. You may be on the hook for your child’s tuition. It makes sense to want to verify these post-secondary support payments, but how?

    One of our founding partners, Rick Jones, regularly appears on the Danny Bonaduce and Sarah Morning Show, to answer common family law questions. On a recent episode, a listener emailed in a question about this very topic.

    His daughter recently graduated from community college. She says she plans to enroll in the University of Washington but hasn’t given him any proof. He wants to continue to support her, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to be taken advantage of.

    How can he go about verifying his post-secondary support payments?

    Related Reading: When Can Child Support Continue Past Age 18?

    Check out the Post-Secondary Support Conversation Below:

    Question: “Tom’s daughter recently graduated from a community college. The court orders say he has to pay [post-secondary support] until she graduates or [until] her 23rd birthday. Supposedly she’s trying to go to the UW now, but she’s not supplied him any kind of paperwork or proof. Just a Facebook picture of her at Husky Stadium. [Background laughter.] What kind of proof do they need to supply that she’s actually enrolled in the university?”

    Danny: “I have pictures of me at Husky Stadium.”

    Sarah: “Does she have to provide proof or because she graduated from community college, is that her graduating and he’s done [paying child support]?”

    Rick: “Well first, Go Dawgs!

    “You know, it’s actually a really good question. The fact that she graduated from a community college doesn’t necessarily put an end to it because we know that there can be more, especially for an aspiring student. Certainly, the court’s attitude is very open to continuing education, so I don’t see the door shutting on that.

    “At the same time though, she is going to need to prove that it’s more than just a spoof on him. Whether it’s registration, whether it’s a grade report or at least progress to it.

    “If she misses a quarter or misses a summer, it’s not going to be the death-nail for it. But let’s say she misses a couple of quarters or doesn’t enroll for a couple of quarters, then that is problematic for her.”

    Sarah: “And does he just stop paying then, or does he have to go back to the court and say, ‘She’s not proven that she’s going to school, can I stop paying?’”

    Rick: “It depends on how he’s paying right now. Most orders go through the state, through this DCS [Division of Child Support] I was talking about. So if he’s already doing that, he really should be continuing that or at least getting with them and explain why he’s going to be stopping.

    “If he’s paying the institution directly, well, obviously that stopped because it’s no longer community college.

    “If he’s paying the mother—which would be rare for post-secondary—but if he’s paying the mother, then yeah, stop.”

    Related Reading: Child Support Modification: How To Change A Child Support Order