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  • Managing Your Holiday Custody Schedule

    Peace, joy, and celebration are the hallmarks of the holiday season. The stretch between Thanksgiving and the New Year can be filled with happiness and goodwill. But for parents with shared custody, this time of year is often full of stress, disputes over holiday custody schedules, and conflict.

    During what tends to be a hectic time of year, that strain frequently ramps up the friction up even further.

    Having a plan and strategy takes at least one source of stress off the table. And let’s be real, you have plenty of others to contend with.

    Managing Your Holiday Custody Schedule

    Despite the potential for conflict, tension, and other problems, there are ways to deal with the impending holiday madness. Not everything works the same for every situation. That’s a given. But parents who successfully navigate their holiday custody schedule often employ the following tactics:

    Clear and Timely Communication

    Following a divorce or other split, things probably aren’t great between you and your ex. That’s just how these things usually go, especially if it’s a new or recent development. This often makes communication challenging. Add the extra stress of co-parenting during the holidays, and you face potential disaster.

    Though it may be tough, and you may rather have your wisdom teeth out than talk to your ex, clear and timely communication is vital.

    Parents who opt for this route usually fare much better than those who don’t.

    This is also sound advice outside of the holiday season.

    If you put aside your gripes and grievances for a time, this will go much faster and be much easier. Set a specific time to talk about holiday plans and schedules.

    Start early. Don’t wait until the last minute. It’s much easier to arrange or rearrange plans well in advance than to scramble the week before.

    This is important to everyone. Depending on the plans, it impacts you, your kids, your ex, and various other family members.

    Set Realistic Expectations

    Setting realistic expectations goes a long way to creating harmonious co-parenting.

    Many parents dream of perfect holiday gatherings full of warmth, grandeur, and perfection. Most of us know all too well that these lofty goals don’t usually come to fruition. Don’t stress about every detail being flawless.

    Remember, as you plan your celebrations, that spending time with your children is the most important part of the holidays. Set expectations around when and how you will celebrate.

    If you won’t have the kids on the actual holiday, there’s no rule saying you can’t open presents, feast, and engage in holiday merriment on another day or in another way.

    Expectations with presents should also be addressed. Divorce often strains finances, leaving less money for gift-giving. You want everything to be great, but don’t overextend yourself or make promises you can’t keep.

    Your kids will eventually forget about the toys or gifts, but they will hold onto how you made them feel.

    Before gift opening, preferably as early as possible, explain to your kids what they can expect from the holidays in an age-appropriate manner. The younger the child, the simpler the explanation should be. Let them know the plan, the arrangements you have made with your ex, and the holiday schedule.

    Maintain Consistency

    The holidays are hectic and chaotic for everyone. This is especially true for children with shared custody arrangements.

    Splitting time between parents and shuttling between households results in twice as many parties, functions, and activities.

    All too often, this also means twice as much stress and strain. It’s important to do what you can to ease that burden.

    It’s normal to expect some deviation from routines during the holidays. After all, the kids are out of school, relatives are in town, and maybe there’s travel to arrange.

    Still, the closer you can stick to the regular co-parenting schedule, the easier things will likely stay. Consistency and stability form the cornerstones of security, especially for younger children.

    If you do change the schedule, let the kids know as soon as possible. Give them as much advance notice as you can, and don’t spring alterations on them at the last moment. Tell them what’s going on as soon as you know.

    Keeping them informed about changes—the whens and wheres and whos of the schedule—provides peace of mind and eases stress during the holidays.

    Whatever the plans, take the time to ensure everyone follows good safety protocols and takes steps to protect everyone’s health and well-being.

    Related Reading: Child Custody and Parental Relocation

    Put the Kids First

    This was said earlier, but it bears repeating: Put the kids first.

    Everything else takes a back seat to them, their feelings, and their holiday experience. You and your ex are adults. Hopefully, you can both act like it for the short time you have to interact. Whether they know it or not, your kids will thank you.

    Parents who successfully manage holiday custody schedules put their children first when it comes to dealing with their ex.

    There’s no one out there who pushes your buttons quite like your ex. Committing to always acting in your child’s best interest can be key when disagreements arise. Be as calm and even as you can, even if your ex tries to pick fights.

    Maintaining a positive attitude can be difficult when dealing with your ex. Especially this time of year.

    Focusing on your kids helps to alleviate some of the frustration.

    Knowing your children will ultimately benefit from the arrangement makes compromising so much easier.

    Co-parenting and shared custody are almost always a challenge. The holiday season frequently intensifies issues between parents.

    Even minor disagreements often escalate thanks to the additional stress. Take steps to ease tensions and help everyone have a happier holiday season.

    Related Reading: My Ex Is Denying Court-Ordered Visitation

  • When To Hire A Divorce Lawyer

    Relationships don’t always work out even if we love and care about another person. They end for a variety of reasons. You may need to ask yourself when and even if you should hire a divorce lawyer.

    As problems in your marriage mount, you may consider whether divorce is the best choice. The question of dissolving a marriage is ultimately an intense, difficult, and incredibly personal choice that throws your entire world into upheaval.

    Having a skilled professional to guide you through the process can be a huge benefit during a time of emotional turmoil, where you may not always think clearly.

    This may not be a comprehensive list, but ask these questions before hiring a divorce lawyer.

    Do You Need A Divorce Lawyer?

    By the time you get to this stage, you’ve probably asked things like why you’re staying married or if you can possibly salvage your relationship. These are important topics to be sure. However, they’re also relatively unrelated to whether or not you should hire a divorce lawyer.

    At this point, you’ve likely decided to dissolve your marriage. It’s more a matter of when and how than if. The next step is to figure out if you need representation in the coming split.

    With the proliferation of do-it-yourself divorce websites, online tools, and similar resources, you don’t necessarily need an attorney to end your marriage.

    In many ways, the process can be relatively simple and straightforward.

    You download the forms, fill them out, file them for a fee, and get a divorce.

    At the same time, it also often becomes incredibly complex.

    • Children and custody disputes commonly lead to issues.
    • If you and your spouse have a great deal of shared property to divide, like homes, cars, or debts, that often creates friction.
    • Age, health, future earning potential, the length of the marriage, and other issues also factor into your divorce settlement.

    The more to argue over, and the more you and your spouse disagree about how to proceed, the more tangled things become.

    The more complicated the situation, the more likely you’ll benefit from hiring a divorce lawyer to protect your rights and interests. An experienced attorney shepherds you through the process. They also provide peace of mind during stressful times.

    Related Reading: Pro Se Divorce – When To DIY

    The Benefits Of Hiring A Divorce Lawyer

    It’s possible to handle the details of a split on your own. This arrangement is best suited for shorter marriages, those without children, and those with little in the way of shared property to distribute. As already indicated, the more intertwined the lives of you and your spouse, the more contentious things become. This increases the likelihood that you need the guidance of a divorce lawyer.

    If your spouse enlists an attorney, strongly consider finding representation. If for no other reason than this puts you on even footing. Beyond that, the presence of a divorce lawyer proves helpful in many additional areas.

    Related Reading: How to File for Divorce in Washington

    Division Of Property

    The more property you and your spouse own together, the more assets you have to divide. Thus, the more complicated the process.

    Washington is a community property state. Under these statutes, all assets acquired during a marriage, even those held in one individual’s name, legally belong to both parties. In the event of divorce, this means the court divides all assets between you and your spouse in an equitable manner.

    This doesn’t mean all the property will be split evenly, but assets will be distributed so each party comes out on relatively even footing.

    You and your soon-to-be-ex can work together to come to terms. But if this becomes contentious, a lawyer or mediator helps you reach a fair agreement for everyone.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided in Washington State?

    Child Custody

    Child custody issues frequently cause problems in divorce. You and your spouse must resolve these issues. Again, it’s possible to arrange without outside help, but when kids come into play, things often get heated and messy.

    Enlisting the services of a divorce lawyer experienced in these cases can be a huge benefit. They help calm down tense situations. Also, a professional can fight to ensure your rights as a parent. If you hope to protect your guardianship, custody claim, visitation, and more, you may be best served by hiring a veteran attorney.

    Support

      • Child Support: If your divorce involves children, child support becomes an issue. These payments provide for the continuing care of minor children. They cover the costs of food, clothing, shelter, education, and other necessities. In general, the party with the most overnights receives payments from the other. However, they can still be present in cases of 50/50 shared custody.
      • Spousal Support: Though not awarded in every case, the court often orders spousal support to help your former partner meet financial needs after a divorce. The amount of these payments is based on what is fair and equitable in a given situation. The amount often accounts for the age and health of both spouses, the length of the marriage, and future earning potential, among other factors. Spousal support may be awarded for a limited time or continue indefinitely.

    Related Reading: Calculate Your Child Support Responsibility

    Understanding Your Divorce Settlement

    While the DIY methods result in a quicker, cheaper divorce, they often also lead to issues down the road.

    Custody arrangements, parenting plans, and settlements become complicated. If you handle them yourself, unless you have a legal background, it’s easy to sign something you don’t fully understand.

    These things can be difficult, to say the least, and expensive to modify after the fact. And that will likely require professional legal help. Hiring a divorce lawyer upfront often heads off potential calamity in the future and ensures that you don’t get blindsided by issues you weren’t aware of.

    Ending a marriage can be a complex and challenging process. As in most legal cases, you will likely be best served by hiring a divorce lawyer, even if your situation appears relatively straightforward. Things get tangled in short order, and an experienced attorney helps you understand what you’re agreeing to, explains your rights, and shows you how to achieve an optimal result.

    Related Reading: Average Costs of Divorce in Washington State

  • How To Ask For Divorce

    It’s time. You’ve tried everything; counselors, retreats, every trick, tool, or suggestion you can get your hands on. But nothing works. Nothing can possibly fix your marriage. You need to move on, for yourself, for your kids, your friends, your peace of mind, and probably even your spouse.

    Then there’s the big looming question you need to answer: How do I ask for divorce?

    Is There a Good Way To Ask for Divorce?

    This is a hard conversation, and not one anybody wants to have.

    You probably want the result, which should leave you in a better place. (That’s the goal, right?) But by the time you get to this point, it’s more of a necessity than a desire. Whatever the situation, most people don’t look forward to this particular talk.

    Still, it’s an important conversation to have. It’s the first step towards a new life. Hopefully, an improved one.

    This is an emotional moment, and not one to take lightly or approach with reckless abandon. Divorce changes your entire life; where you live, how often you see your kids, your financial outlook, and more.

    How you ask for divorce sets the tone for the entire process; the smoother the process, the better.

    If you’re ready to ask for a divorce, it’s safe to say your marriage has serious problems. This decision may have been a long time coming. In reality, your spouse likely noticed as well. Or maybe that’s one of the issues.

    Even if you’re both on the same page, the first discussion of divorce is often an emotional, volatile moment.

    You have a lot to consider. Whether or not things go well or you fight about everything often hinges on this moment.

    With that in mind, here are some things to consider when asking for a divorce.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Divorce By Generation

    Don’t Broadcast It First

    This should probably go without saying, but the first person who hears about this should be your spouse. Or at least one of the first.

    Sure, you’ve bounced the idea off friends, family, and confidants. You may have even made the decision and told a close friend. But there’s a definite line.

    Before you take to the social media mountaintop to declare your intentions to the world, you need to tell your spouse.

    This isn’t news that should come from a Facebook post or because you had one too many at a party and blabbed all over.

    Everyone will find out eventually, but the first people who need to know are the ones directly involved. If not, bitterness and hurt feelings often manifest in the divorce process. You may get friction where you wouldn’t have purely because of spite.

    Related Reading: Can You Protect Your Business During Divorce?

    Timing Is Everything

    Timing really is everything. There’s never an ideal moment to ask for divorce. It will never be fun or easy. But consider when and where you bring up the subject.

    Do it in person. This isn’t a conversation you have over email or text message. (Though in certain countries, you can divorce via text.) Don’t have a third party deliver the message. You need to be face-to-face for this one if possible. Unless, of course, your safety is an issue.

    You may want to have your say and leave, but it’s also key to let your spouse have a turn. Most of the time, plan for a lengthy conversation. You may talk about your relationship, you may talk about the next steps, but odds are, there’s a great deal to discuss.

    Pick a moment when neither of you has plans immediately after. Give yourself the necessary time and space. If you have kids, send them to your parents’ or a friend’s house. Telling them is a whole different conversation. Create the room to have a serious, in-depth talk free from interruptions.

    Related Reading: Legal Separation Versus Divorce: Which is Better For You?

    Prepare for the Worst

    Do you expect screaming? Will things be thrown? Is there the potential for physical violence?

    Are these extreme responses? Yes. But there almost certainly will be a reaction when you ask for divorce.

    After being married, you know your spouse as well as anyone. You can likely anticipate the reaction.

    • Will your request meet with a shocked cry or a shrug?
    • Are you on the same page and both saw this coming?
    • Will this lead to a shouting match or a quiet conversation?

    Even if you think you know what to expect, prepare for surprises. This represents a hugely emotional event, and people don’t always act as you expect them to.

    Honestly, what reaction you expect may play into how you approach the when and where of the conversation.

    Related Reading: How Does Washington Handle Pet Custody?

    Shut The Door When You Ask For Divorce

    If you’ve made up your mind, if you’re 100% ironclad certain that ending your marriage is the right choice, the only choice, shut the door.

    Broaching the subject of divorce is one thing. When you have ongoing problems, you may discuss it as an option or potential avenue. That’s often part of trying to repair a damaged relationship. Therapy, counseling, support groups, and many other tools exist if you still think you can save your union.

    But if not, if there’s no hope of reconciliation, be direct and firm.

    Be decisive and don’t leave vague possibilities dangling in the wind. In reality, you don’t ask for divorce. State definitively that you want to end the marriage. You don’t have to be mean about it, but don’t leave any doubt.

    Related Reading: What if Your Ex Won’t Follow the Divorce Agreement?

    ask for divorceBack to the Future

    You probably don’t want to talk specifics as soon as you ask for a divorce, but it’s not a bad idea to consider what comes next. In most cases, you’ll need space to breathe and muddle through. But it’s also a good time to take stock of your situation.

    Collect all the information you can about your shared finances.  Consider what you want and need out of the divorce settlement.

    • Where do you have money?
    • Where do you owe?
    • What assets do you have to divide?
    • Do you want the house?
    • Do you want the car?
    • This has a huge impact on your financial future.

    If you have kids, think about child custody and what you want the parenting plan to look like. Do you want the most overnights, or is being a weekend parent the best fit for everyone? This is just the beginning of a long process.

    You’ll ultimately have to gather documents, assess your finances, and plan for the future.

    But while you may not need a step-by-step strategy at this exact moment, give it some thought. At the very least, have a good overall picture of your situation. It’s also a perfect time to consider hiring a divorce lawyer. That’s a process unto itself.

    Related Reading: How Are Assets, Property, and Debt Divided in Washington State?

    Asking for Divorce is A Tough Talk

    It’s not easy or pleasant to ask for divorce and you’re probably in for a tough talk.

    By the time you get here, it’s probably a necessity, even a relief, but that doesn’t make it fun. Consider the impact this conversation will have. Even if it’s clear as day, this may still come as a shock. Think about what you say, when and where, and how you say it.

    This is a hard decision, probably one of the most difficult you’ll ever make. But if it truly is the right choice, it’s likely best for both of you.

    Related Reading: What to Know BEFORE You Move Out of The House

  • Can You Get An Annulment In Washington?

    Everyone has heard some version of this urban legend. A wild night in Vegas ends in a marriage officiated by an Elvis impersonator. The following day, when clarity, sobriety, and regret set in, the first task of the newlyweds is usually to seek out an annulment.

    While getting drunkenly hitched on the Strip is an extreme example, there are several situations where one might need to dissolve a marriage quickly.

    What Is An Annulment?

    To start, while the word ‘annulment’ is commonly used, the legal term in Washington is ‘declaration of invalidity’. As the name implies, this petition declares a marriage.

    Annulment is usually associated with the Catholic church. Traditional Catholicism didn’t allow divorce, but if you annulled a marriage, it was as if it never happened.

    The Difference Between A Divorce and A Declaration of Invalidity

    A few key differences exist between a divorce and a declaration of invalidity.

    With a divorce, both parties dissolve a valid marriage through legal legal channels.

    A declaration of invalidity asserts that the marriage was never valid in the first place. From that point forward it is as if it never existed.

    Either spouse may petition for a declaration of invalidity, provided they can prove why the union should be voided. This burden falls on the person seeking the annulment.

    How to File for Declaration of Invalidity?

    In Washington, you must file a Petition for Declaration Concerning Validity in the superior court of the county where one spouse resides. It doesn’t have to be yours, but one of you must live there.

    After filing the petition, you must serve the opposing party. The superior court clerk’s office, where the petition was filed, can explain the different options to serve a spouse, such as what to do if your spouse lives out of the state or can’t be located.

    Once you do all of this, there will be a hearing. Both parties then state their cases about why the marriage is or isn’t legitimate.

    Related Reading: A Guide to File for Divorce in Washington

    Do You Qualify for A Declaration of Invalidity?

    Annulment is rare compared to divorce, but it still happens occasionally. In Washington, there must be a specific cause to petition for a marriage to be declared invalid under RCW 26.09.040.

    The court requires specific examples of why the marriage is illegitimate. Reasons include, but are not limited to:

    • One or both parties were underage and lacked parental or court approval.
    • One party was already married.
    • One or both parties lacked the capacity to consent because of mental incapacity.
    • One or both parties lacked the ability to consent due to the influence of alcohol or other incapacitating substances.
    • Either one or both parties were forced into the marriage under duress.
    • Either party, or both, were induced to enter the marriage by fraud.
    • The parties have not ratified their marriage by voluntarily cohabitating.
    • The spouses are close blood relatives.

    It’s also important to note that for the state to consider a marriage invalid because of fraud, the fraud must directly relate to the marriage. For example, one party hid a venereal disease or knowingly concealed a pregnancy.

    If you don’t meet one of these requirements, you will likely have to follow a traditional path and divorce.

    Related Reading: Moving Out: What You Need To Know Before You Go

    Do You Divide Property In A Declaration of Invalidity?

    Like a divorce, once the marriage is declared invalid, you have other issues to resolve.

    There are assets and debts to divide, custody to determine, and more. Child support, spousal maintenance, restraining orders, and attorney fees; you have all the usual matters to deal with.

    In reality, annulment usually applies only to shorter marriages, so issues like these don’t often come into play. If you’ve been married for 50 years, bought a house, raised a couple of kids to adulthood, and all the rest, annulment likely isn’t an option.

    If you are considering getting an annulment and are unsure if your marriage qualifies or have questions regarding a declaration of invalidity, it’s in your best interest to consult an attorney. A divorce lawyer will most likely be the best resource for information about your situation.

    Related Reading: How the Division of Property Works in Washington

  • Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

    Different generations have drastically different traits. That may be the most obvious statement ever made. Parents don’t understand kids and their newfangled gadgets, and kids view parents as outdated dinosaurs inching towards irrelevance. But looking at divorce rates by generation tells us a lot about each.

    It’s near impossible to pick up a newspaper or magazine—in print or on your preferred device—without reading about how Millennials have killed Applebee’s or need to work three jobs to make ends meet and still won’t be able to retire. (Though it’s apparently the post-Millennial Generation Z’s turn to murder various industries.)

    One key difference between generations is how people view marriage, divorce, and family. Attitudes visibly evolved from one age group to the next.

    Even though the common refrain is that half of all marriages end in divorce, the divorce rate has declined steadily for decades.

    The Divorce Rate by Generation

    At the moment, six distinct generations live in America. How each approaches family, relationships, marriage, and divorce varies greatly. These ideas form important pieces of their distinctive identities.

    As always, there are exceptions to every rule. Statistics paint with broad strokes. No single group is entirely uniform. Within each demographic, you find anomalies and individuals who buck these tendencies. Still, looking at the broader trends and examining divorce rates by generation reveals the prevailing norms and how they’ve changed.

    divorce by generationThe GI Generation

    Also commonly known as the “Greatest Generation,” people born between 1901 and 1926 make up the so-called GI Generation. In their time, they lived through two World Wars, the Great Depression, and countless other significant global events.

    Strong ideas of right and wrong and a sense of duty often define this demographic. They tend to take a this-is-how-things-are and don’t-rock-the-boat approach to the world.

    This also includes how they view marriage and divorce. The “’til death do us part” part of the vows holds a great deal of weight. Marriage is for life. Husbands work, while wives take care of the kids and the house. Divorce often carries a stink of moral failing. This group tends to be a stronghold of so-called “traditional values.”

    The Silent Generation

    Born between 1927 and 1945, the Silent Generation, also known as the Mature Silents, resembles the GI Generation in certain respects. Like the previous age group, many went to war, fighting in the Korean and Vietnam Wars.

    However, they also largely came of age in the post-World War II economic upswing. In general, this was a time of relative uniformity and conformity.

    It did, however, contain the first rumblings of the civil rights movement and feminism, among other social revolutions.

    Also like their predecessors, this generation didn’t rock the boat when it came to marriage, family, and divorce. Again, marriage was largely viewed as an unbreakable bond, and divorce wasn’t often a realistic option. People married before they had kids; couples didn’t live together before the wedding, and all those rules applied.

    divorce by generationBaby Boomers

    Enter the Baby Boom.

    With the Baby Boomers, things changed drastically. Born into the prosperous post-War era between 1946 and 1965, this is one of the biggest single generations in history, with some 77 million people.

    This is also the generation that welcomed rock and roll, civil rights, television, and credit cards. They pushed traditional boundaries and social norms. Due to the sheer size, these shifts caused substantial cultural changes.

    This rebellious streak also extended to relationships, marriage, and families. When we look at divorce by generation, the most drastic transformation occurs here.

    Also known as the “Me Generation,” large segments of the population began to prioritize individual fulfillment over traditional family roles.

    More women than ever before entered the workforce. This led to more dual-income households, thereby increasing spending power.

    It also meant mothers weren’t as omnipresent as in previous generations. With more focus on individuality, divorce increasingly became acceptable. Instead of remaining trapped in an unhappy or even unsafe marriage, there was now a way out.

    No-fault divorce came to prominence in this era, and you no longer had to provide a cause. You could divorce simply because you wanted out of a marriage.

    This holds true today.

    • Baby Boomers continue to divorce more than any other age group.
    • Between 1990 and 2012, the divorce rate for people aged 55-64 doubled.
    • For those aged 65 and older, that number more than tripled.

    divorce by generationGeneration X

    Baby Boomers also had fewer children than earlier generations. Because of this trend, Generation X, those born from 1965 to 1980, is significantly smaller.

    Similarly focused on individuality like their parents, they also have a more cynical view of society and authority. Especially as they watched the idealism of the late ‘60s morph into the excess and greed of the ‘70s and ‘80s.

    Baby Boomers often emphasized career over family. It was common for both parents to work. As divorce rates spiked, Generation X was the first generation where it was normal to have divorced parents. It wasn’t a moral failing, it wasn’t necessarily bad, it was often a simple fact of life. The response to this, however, is interesting.

    At least statistically, Generation X reacted to the rising divorce rate by staying married. As a whole, more members of this generation waited until later in life to marry or chose not to marry at all.

    But once they walk down the aisle, they tend to stay married at much higher rates than their parents.

    • Approximately 70% of marriages in the ‘90s lasted at least 15 years.
    • That’s up from 65% for the two previous decades. And this trend continues.
    • Divorce rates are even lower for couples married in the 2000s.

    divorce by generationMillennials

    Millennials have a bad rap. According to the media, they’re responsible for the death of everything from homeownership and golf to banks and restaurant chains like Hooters. It’s comical at this point, all the destruction they’ve been blamed for.

    Born between 1981 and 1996, they’re the first generation to grow up almost entirely with computers in schools and homes. Generally raised by involved parents, they also have a reputation for entitlement and self-obsession.

    As far as breaking down marriage and divorce by generation, they also continue some of Generation X’s patterns. They, too, put off marriage until later.

    Millennials have a 26% marriage rate. Compare that to 36% for Gen X, 48% for Baby Boomers,and 65% for Mature Silents.

    With the oldest Millennials now in their 40s, we’re starting to get a clearer picture of their behavior patterns over time. And they paint an interesting picture.

    People point to many factors for this evolution:

    • Changing gender roles is one.
    • Another reason— education is increasingly important and necessary: people generally need a college education to compete in the job market, even at a basic level, so they prioritize that path over marrying young.
    • Financial concerns are another common refrain. It’s more expensive than ever to raise a family. For the most part, both partners need to work full-time and still often struggle. It’s not a choice necessarily, but a necessity.
    • People also start families and have kids without marrying at higher rates than ever.

    divorce by generationGeneration Z

    After experimenting with various names—Boomlets, Centennials, Post-Millennials, among others—Generation Z finally stuck for those born between 1997 and 2012.

    They’re just coming into their own, and it’s too early to glean anything definitive about their marriage and divorce habits. But it should prove interesting to watch.

    This is the first generation that’s never known a world without cell phones or laptops. And whatever changes Gen Z brings, they promise to be big because there are a bunch of them. 2006 saw a record number of births, even higher than any year during the Baby Boom.

    Maybe they, too, will continue to put off marriage like their predecessors—that’s the way the needle has moved over time. Maybe the divorce rate will continue to decline. We’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds.

    Related Reading: Legal Marijuana and Its Impact on Child Custody

  • False Abuse Allegations And Divorce

    Divorce often devolves into heated, contentious screaming matches between bitter, angry spouses, and mudslinging happens frequently. Husbands and wives lob all sorts of accusations at one another, both those founded in reality and those completely fabricated.

    Adultery, neglect, and even theft often get tossed around. Perhaps the most heinous of these are abuse allegations, and they have a huge impact on divorce cases.

    Are False Abuse Allegations Common In Divorce?

    False abuse allegations in divorce cases are a regrettably common occurrence.

    One spouse may think that leveling such accusations against the other is advantageous. And too often this assumption proves correct.

    What Are Protection Orders?

    Protection orders provide safety and security in cases of abuse. In legitimate instances and situations of imminent danger, that’s precisely what they offer: protection. Relatively simple and quick to obtain, this is what makes them effective. It’s also, unfortunately, what makes them all too easy to misuse.

    What Evidence is Required To Obtain a Protection Order?

    To obtain a protection order, the party who puts forth the abuse allegations has to do little more than just that.

    In Washington, a judge can issue a temporary restraining order with a minimum of evidence, often based on nothing beyond one spouse claiming to need one.

    Aside from obvious physical altercations or emotional abuse, perceived threats can also result in a protection order. If you and your spouse get into an intense, combative argument, they may go to court and claim to feel threatened. That alone might be enough to issue a temporary order.

    Domestic abuse is a serious issue, and no judge wants to fail to protect someone and have a tragedy occur. As a result, the court usually grants these requests.

    In these cases of abuse allegations, the defendant doesn’t have the opportunity to defend himself.

    These hearings usually occur on the day the petition for a protection order is filed or shortly thereafter and are ex parte. This means the accused isn’t notified of the hearing and won’t be present.

    Related Reading: Types of Protection Orders And How They Work

    Ways Abuse Allegations Affect Divorce

    Abuse allegations, especially those resulting in a protection order, alter the landscape of your divorce. Almost instantly, the case changes dramatically. The ramifications influence how divorce plays out and can last much longer.

    Child Custody

    When it comes to child custody and visitation, the courts recognize the importance of both parents remaining in a child’s life. Even the non-custodial parents are entitled to frequent and continuing contact with the kids. Cases of abuse and neglect are exceptions to this rule. These claims can be devastating to a parent’s chances of obtaining primary custody or equal parenting time.

    Finances

    Abuse allegations also often come with a financial burden. A spouse may use a protection order to drive the other out of a home and away from children. This creates costs associated with quickly and unexpectedly having to find a new living situation. Child support and spousal support may also come into play. Then you have legal fees that stack up trying to fight false accusations.

    Emotional Distress

    Abuse allegations can leave you stunned, feeling helpless, and in serious emotional distress. Even if accusations are proven false, they still change how people look at you, often for a long time to come. Fighting them is exhausting and harrowing, and can lead to depression and despair, all of which leave a mark.

    Related Reading: What Is A Guardian Ad Litem?

    How To Fight Abuse Allegations

    Though it’s exhausting and harrowing, you do have options when it comes to fighting abuse allegations. You may feel vulnerable and exposed, but avenues exist to combat false accusations and limit the damage.

    Hire a Lawyer

    At this point, if you knew your divorce could become contentious, you probably already have a lawyer. If not, look into it immediately. Experienced counsel will show you what to do, how to defend yourself, and guide you toward an optimal outcome.

    Collect Witnesses and Evidence

    The best way to prove that your spouse is lying is, well, to prove that your spouse is lying. Collect anything you can that paints you in a positive light, further supports your claims, and invalidates those of the opposition.

    Character witnesses, individuals who can testify that your spouse’s accusations are false; texts, voice messages, emails, and any documentation; and people who can provide an alibi, all of these support your cause.

    Stay Calm

    Staying calm and composed during hearings goes a long way toward helping your case. Nothing makes you seem unstable or capable of doing harm like explosive outbursts in court.

    No matter what the other side says, no matter how unfounded the claims, react in an even, ordered fashion. Don’t interrupt, don’t laugh or sneer, and don’t show a lack of control. Do what you must to create a positive impression.

    Show a Pattern of Behavior

    Did your spouse threaten abuse allegations before? Or mention a plan to do something like this? If so, and if you can show it—through texts, emails, witness testimony, and the like—that helps discredit the allegations and strengthen your position.

    Protection orders have a meaningful, legitimate use to keep people safe. It’s too bad when people misuse them to gain an undue advantage in a divorce. Even if the accusations are untrue, they can still have a substantial negative impact on your case. It’s important to react quickly and decisively in these situations to counter and hopefully dismiss any false claims.

    Other Reading: Can You Modify Child Support Payments?

  • How Are Protection Orders Used in Divorce?

    It’s not uncommon for divorces to become hot, conflict-riddled affairs. Emotions run high, feelings have often been hurt, and there tends to be a great deal of animosity and ill will.

    All too often, threats and domestic violence rear their ugly heads, and participants must take steps to keep safe. In Washington, protection orders serve as a legal means of accomplishing this.

    Types Of Protection Orders:

    In cases where individuals require security from abuse, stalking, or harassment, it’s common to hear talk of restraining orders. This often leads to confusion.

    There are multiple kinds in Washington. Each carries its particulars and fits specific circumstances, situations, and criteria. These are the most common varieties that apply to family law cases.

    Domestic Violence Protection Order

    A domestic violence protection order is the most common type and is used to guard against threats and assault.

    With various applications, this protection order demands that the respondent not threaten or attack you, bars them from entering your home, or compels them to leave a shared residence.

    If children are involved, it can award temporary custody to one parent and schedule visitation. This protection order can also grant you possession of personal property, such as the use of a vehicle, and even require the respondent to attend counseling.

    Restraining Orders

    While protection orders focus on safety and violence prevention, restraining orders are used more broadly. 

    Most often filed as part of an existing case, restraining orders, aim to manage contact and conflict, but they also cover financial concerns like preventing asset depletion property issues, child support, spousal support, and more.

    If you fear your spouse could drain a joint bank account or run up massive credit card bills, a restraining order can block that. Multiple types exist, ranging from a temporary order valid for 14 days to longer-term, even permanent, decrees.

    No-Contact Order

    While restraining orders are part of existing family law cases, a no-contact order is issued during criminal proceedings.

    These most often occur in cases of stalking and harassment. They protect victims from contact by their harasser in any form, including in person, through a third party, or by phone, email, or social media.

    No-contact orders are generally shorter in duration than other protection orders and shield you during an ongoing criminal case. A temporary order lasts 14 days, though the court can set a longer period or extend the safeguard indefinitely.

    Anti-harassment Order

    Most protection orders revolve around people with existing relationships—spouses, significant others, family members, and the like. A civil anti-harassment order, however, usually applies to cases of harassment that fall outside of those domestic bonds.

    For example, this may occur in stranger-on-stranger stalking situations and other types of harassment or a dispute between neighbors.

    These protection orders pop up most often in circumstances where a person faces harassment but hasn’t yet been threatened or assaulted. They’re designed to cut off this bad behavior before the situation escalates and becomes dangerous.

    Related Reading: What Is A Guardian Ad Litem?

    Violating Protection Orders

    Violating protection orders comes with significant consequences.

    Knowingly and intentionally infringing on most types carries an automatic arrest. Anti-harassment orders are an exception, though if the situation dictates, discretionary arrest remains a possibility in these cases.

    From there, the court may levy one of several charges against the offending party. Depending on the specific details and nature of the infraction, these also include potential criminal indictments ranging from a gross misdemeanor to felony assault charges.

    Contempt of court is also on the table for violations of most protection orders.

    How To Get a Protection Order

    Fortunately for people suffering abuse, threats, stalking, and other harassment, it’s relatively straightforward to get a protection order in Washington.

    As with most legal matters, you start by filling out and filing the appropriate forms. While you can find them at your local courthouse, they’re also available to download online. The more detailed information you provide about your situation, the better.

    If you are in imminent danger, you can request an ex parte hearing. These usually happen that day, without notifying the harasser, and a judge may issue a temporary protection order.

    In ex parte cases, you may even be able to have the hearing via phone. From there, the respondent must be served—for safety’s sake, don’t try to do it yourself—and you may set a court date for a permanent protection order within two weeks.

    Courts issue protection orders for many reasons, but the overall purpose is to guard people against harm. If you have questions about whether or not you need one, consider consulting an attorney.

    Related Reading: Dealing With Abuse Allegations

  • The Best Ways To Celebrate Divorce

    Not every divorce turns into a knock-down, drag-out brawl between spouses. Still, even in the best cases, they’re often tense, stressful, emotional times. Afterward, you may need to blow off some steam or take a deep breath and relax.

    People love an excuse to party, whether it’s a promotion at work or the Seahawks making a playoff run. Increasingly, couples untying the knot choose to celebrate divorce.

    Most of us think of divorce as a serious, somber moment. And it usually is. It marks the end of a major moment in our lives. No one likes to admit that a relationship didn’t work out, failed miserably, or that maybe we didn’t know our spouse as well as we thought.

    Why Celebrate Your Divorce?

    Let’s face it, if you get to the point of divorce, your relationship probably isn’t particularly healthy. Getting out, moving on, and closing the book on that painful chapter usually works out for the best. But just because it’s necessary doesn’t mean it’s easy.

    While divorce marks an end, it also marks a beginning. You get to embark on a whole new phase of your life.

    Though that’s often nerve-wracking, it’s also exciting. And what better reason to enjoy yourself than to put a painful, difficult time behind you and head towards something better?

    Divorce Celebration Ideas

    People celebrate divorce in many ways. Some burn leftover mementos from their marriage. You can buy or make miniature coffins to bury your wedding ring. It takes various forms, but let’s look at some positive, festive, and downright fun ways people celebrate divorce.

    celebrate divorce1. Throw A Divorce Party

    So you want to celebrate divorce. What’s a celebration without a party? Odds are, you had a party when you got married, so why not have one at the end? And as you breathe a sigh of relief, it’s a great time to be surrounded by friends, loved ones, and well-wishers.

    Divorce parties come in many shapes and sizes. Some folks are more comfortable sharing a low-key dinner and drinks with a few friends. Others want an all-out rager that doesn’t end until the break of dawn or the cops show up.

    How you celebrate divorce depends on personal preference, but this type of thing has become commonplace. Party planners routinely field requests for everything from the subdued to the outrageous.

    Related Reading: How to File for Divorce in Washington

    celebrate divorce2. Celebrate Divorce With A Cake

    You can even celebrate divorce with a custom divorce cake. After all, you can’t throw a proper divorce party without a divorce cake, can you? Wedding cakes are such a symbolic part of marriage, and divorce cakes add a touch of poetic justice to the act of dissolving one.

    Just do a quick Google search, and you’ll come up with more divorce cake ideas than you ever thought possible. You’ll find everything from simple sheet cakes with “Freedom” written in frosting, to chocolate balls and chains, and even monsters devouring cartoon exes. There must be a certain catharsis to literally biting your ex’s head off, even if it’s only a cookie version.

    Related Reading: How Long Does Divorce Take?

    celebrate divorce3. Delete Your Ex’s Phone Number

    This obviously won’t work if you have kids and there’s a continuing shared child custody situation, but there’s a level of finality when you delete your ex’s number from your phone. And you don’t have to stop there.

    In all likelihood, you have many numbers you may never need again. Your ex’s parents, siblings, friends, work line, and others. Clean house, get rid of them all.

    If you truly want to celebrate divorce like this, you can get some friends together to help. Have them delete your ex’s number, too. You can even turn it into a drinking game if you’re feeling rowdy.

    Related Reading: The Most Common Reasons for Divorce

    celebrate divorce4. Take A Divorce Selfie

    Selfies pop up everywhere, so people choosing to celebrate divorce by snapping one probably shouldn’t surprise anyone. Couples who end their marriage amicably have started taking to social media to share their enthusiasm with friends and followers.

    It’s not uncommon to see a smiling, otherwise happy-looking couple showing off divorce papers or newly ring-free fingers. Not every marriage works out. Sometimes people simply grow apart. While divorce has a reputation for conflict, that’s not always the case.

    These divorce selfies celebrate divorce in a way that shows it’s possible to end a marriage on a positive note and move on with your life. Divorce often represents a positive change, and that’s worth applauding.

    Related Reading: Keeping Custody Exchanges Civil

    celebrate divorce5. Do Something Your Ex Would Hate

    Do something your ex would hate, but that you’ve always wanted to do. Divorce often brings with it a newfound sense of liberation. One way people indulge this freedom is by doing something they couldn’t or wouldn’t do because of an ex.

    Like many other items on this list, what this looks like varies by personal preference. Maybe you always wanted to travel abroad but your ex refused to leave the States. Or you’ve dreamed of living in a new city, but your ex wanted to stay close to family.

    Have you always thought you’d look good with a tattoo but your ex hated them? Now that you find yourself free from these bonds, you can indulge these urges.

    celebrate divorce6. Move On With Your Life

    Despite the way many people react, you may not want to celebrate divorce. You may feel disappointment, confusion, fear, and a wide range of emotions. Even if you’re relieved and happy to be out of a bad marriage.

    It’s important to recognize these emotions and learn from them and the experience you’ve been through. This can and should be an important learning experience. You can come out of this with a clearer understanding of who you are and what you want and need.

    While accepting your emotions is important, don’t dwell too long. It becomes far too easy to wallow in depression or grief. Eventually, even if you don’t celebrate a divorce, you need to shake it off and move forward.

    Moving on from a bad marriage gives you the chance to start fresh. You can reinvent yourself, change your style, or get in shape. Now you’re free to indulge in long-shelved passions, explore new ones, and become a better version of yourself. Some people make minor changes here and there while others completely overhaul their lives. How you move forward is up to you.

  • What Is The Washington Division Of Child Support?

    So you went through a divorce and custody hearing. It was long, it was tough, but you got primary guardianship and the court awarded you regular child support.

    Getting these payments awarded is one thing, but all too often, compelling your ex to pay them is another. One key tool for enforcing these orders is the Washington Division of Child Support.

    What Is ‘The Washington Division Of Child Support’?

    A part of the Economic Services Administration, itself a part of the Department of Social and Health Services, the Washington Division of Child Support has a simple goal. That aim is to aid parents in collecting and paying court-ordered child support. They hope to “help parents contribute to brighter futures for their children” by facilitating these payments.

    Related Reading: How Are Child Support Payments Calculated In Washington State?

    How Does It Work?

    In seeking to ensure the best for young people, the Washington Division of Child Support provides a wide variety of services and resources.

    Their goal is to help custodial parents collect child support and help non-custodial parents pay.

    Along the way, they assist in various ways to facilitate that. These efforts run the gamut and include legal advice, housing services, support in situations of domestic violence, and even employment training.

    On their website, you can find links to pay or receive child support on DCS cases. You can download a number of forms with topics ranging from enforcing child support to declaring unlawful custody to requesting a modification of an existing order.

    There are also forms to declare your income and expenses, ones requesting similar information from the other party, and a ton of additional material.

    Related Reading: Can I Modify My Support Payments?

    For Parents

    Making child support payments often proves a financial burden for many parents. And on the other side, collecting from an ex who can’t or won’t pay is also a problem. At best, it’s a headache and a nuisance.

    The Division of Child Support seeks to remove any barriers, with an endgame of helping families become self-sufficient in the long run.

    The Washington DCS maintains a list of useful resources for parents on both sides of these conflicts. Their web page features links to numerous state agencies, including services like childcare providers for working parents, education resources, and instruction to improve future employment and earning potential.

    In addition to state agencies, the DCS also lists information for many community organizations.

    There are resources available for both mothers and fathers, information about child welfare, and contacts for regional housing authorities. Other links of interest include legal support and information to help with custody, visitation, and just about any type of legal matter.

    For Employers

    Parents obviously play the largest role when it comes to financially supporting children, but employers also have an important part.

    Washington employers collaborate with the Division of Child Support in a number of ways, helping make sure employees with maintenance obligations actually pay what they owe.

    The law requires all Washington employers to report new hires to DSHS within 20 days of their date of hire. This helps keep track of parents and their ability to pay outstanding child support. Additionally, employers can also withhold income, send delinquent payments directly to the DCS, and help enroll kids in health insurance. 

    Child support orders are complicated and intricate documents. Many factors go into determining the maintenance amount, including need, ability to pay, and more. They’re hugely important for the stability, safety, and future of children. As a result, the Washington Division of Child Support plays an important role.

    Related Reading: Can My Ex Keep My Child From Playing Sports?

  • Divorce in Washington: How Long Does It Take?

    It’s a basic question, but an important one and one most people want answered right away: How long does divorce take in Washington?

    The minimum amount of time required to finalize a divorce varies from state to state. In some, like New Hampshire, it only takes a couple of weeks. Others, however, have a mandatory waiting period that exceeds six months.

    Does Washington Have A Waiting Period For Divorce?

    The short answer is: In Washington, divorce takes a minimum of 90 days. That’s the absolute minimum, but many take much longer.

    The 90-day clock starts when you or your spouse file the divorce action. If you both agree on every aspect of your case, the judge may sign your divorce decree after the three months is up. Presto, your divorce is finalized.

    But you have to agree on everything. This includes the division of assets and debts, child custody, child support, spousal support, and any other issues.

    Unfortunately, not all divorces are so simple. Shocking, right?

    The more you have to fight about, the more complicated the process becomes. With every disagreement, point of contention, and new wrinkle, the finish line gets farther away.

    Why Can Divorces Take Longer Than 90 Days?

    Contentious splits not only often require more time, but also additional expenses and resources.

    The more complex the case, the more likely you are to require the services of a divorce lawyer.  When you add kids to care for and assets to divide, it prolongs the process, often by months or more.

    But additional services aren’t limited to your attorney. You may need to enlist a variety of other professionals along the way. These are just a few types of experts you may need depending on the complexity of your situation and how contentious your divorce becomes.

    Related Reading: Can You File For Bankruptcy During a Divorce?

    Common Experts Needed in A Divorce Proceeding:

      • Guardian Ad Litem.
      • Forensic Accountant.
      • Financial Planner.
      • Home Appraiser.
      • Data Recovery Specialist.
      • Meditator or Arbitrator.
      • Private Investigator.
      • Special Master.
      • Parental Evaluation.
      • Process Server.
      • Vocational Evaluator.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided During A Divorce? In-Depth

    The Waiting is the Hardest Part

    So, 90 days is the minimum time it takes to divorce in Washington. As you see, however, many factors pop up to extend that timeframe.

    If you can’t reach a settlement on your own or through mediation or arbitration, your case ultimately goes to trial. There a judge rules the case and determines the outcome. This, of course, takes a great deal of time. The courts commonly schedule trials months in advance.

    On average, divorces that go to trial take over one year to finalize.

    Related Reading: A House Divided: Splitting Up a Home in Divorce

    From the Radio

    One of our founding partners, Rick Jones, regularly hits the airwaves on 102.5 KZOK, where he answers pressing family law questions from listeners.

    Perhaps unsurprisingly, the question “How long does a divorce take in Washington” has come up. This call is a prime example of how a divorce can seem simple but ultimately take a long, long time.

    Listen to the Conversation Below:

    Caller: “Hi, I have somewhat of a simple divorce. [Audible groans in the background.] Coming up I have my discovery cutoff and in two weeks it’s the exchange of evidence. We don’t have any homes or children. However, when we split, she had me thrown out of the rental we had and moved in with her boyfriend [and] made a bunch of false statements in court documents.

    “When I eventually filed for divorce, she quickly replied with a bunch more false statements. I’d like to know how I can present that on the discovery cutoff if I have to have my statement of evidence completed, or is that something I show up to court that day with the documents finished?”

    Rick: “The first thing I’m hearing is, ‘I’ve got a simple divorce,’ yet you’re already up against your discovery cutoff, which means you’re getting to the doorstep of a trial. A simple divorce would have been done by now.

    “Let’s switch gears to the middle question, which is what can I do about her making false statements or claims? And the question I really have is, are they anything relevant to the divorce? If she’s saying what a bad dude you are, it doesn’t matter, true or untrue. If all you have is assets and liabilities, Washington is a no-fault state.

    “The third one is more procedural. By the time you get this close to the discovery cutoff–what that’s meant is to basically tell both sides, ‘Hey, if you want to get information, and you want the power of the court to go subpoena bank information or require something of the other person, that means you would have had to wrap it up by then.’ That’s what the discovery cutoff is.

    “Then you fast-forward to that joint statement of evidence. Without getting too deep in the woods here, what’s required is that both [parties] present to the court prior to going to trial, so at least the issue is framed and nobody is getting surprised by what comes on at trial.”

    Related Reading: How Can I Protect Myself During Divorce?

    Email Question:

    Listener: “First, thanks for doing this segment. I’ve been listening for a long time and you’ve helped so many people. It was always interesting information to me, but I honestly never thought I would have to use it myself.

    “Well here I am, facing a divorce, and the one thing I haven’t heard you cover is how long the whole process takes. Honestly, I just want to get it over with and move on.

    “What is the average time I should expect to be dealing with the courts and paperwork?”

    Danny: “That’s a damn fine email there. I’m interested to know the answer myself, Rick.”

    Rick: “First of all I want to give him a shout-back as well in terms of the thank you on this. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the forum, to be able to give info like this that people need to have, even before they make the call to the attorney. Now on to the question.

    “How long a case takes is really going to be dependent on how long either: It takes to reach a settlement between the two people, or go to ultimately a decision, meaning trial.

    “At the start of any case, we’ll use Washington as an example, there is a 90-day waiting period. You can have everything agreed upon on day one when the case is filed, you do have to wait 90 days.

    So the quickest a divorce can take is 90 days. Now, beyond that, King County schedules a trial right up front. The day you file they schedule a trial for about eleven months down the road.

    “So if your case doesn’t reach a settlement, through all the tools, mediation, etc, and it’s still open, then that trial date approaches and ultimately that’s the end of your case. Even though it’s a judge-made decision and not one on your own.

    Sarah: “Did you say eleven months?”

    Rick: “Yeah, and that’s only if the original trial date is the one that stands. It’s not uncommon for one or both sides to seek an initial continuance, and it’s commonly granted by the court, which would push it off another four to six months. So it’s not uncommon for a contested divorce to last up to two years.“

    Related Reading: Mediation Questions Answered