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  • Surviving Thanksgiving for Divorced Dads

    Thanksgiving is upon us. Though it’s traditionally full of family, friends, and other loved ones, this can be a tough time of year for newly divorced dads. You may feel alone, especially if you don’t have your kids for the holiday. But there are ways to cope and survive what can be a difficult time.

    Most custody arrangements split major holidays between the parents. Part of establishing the parenting plan during divorce usually involves hashing this out. Every family is different, so how this shakes out varies a great deal.

    • Sometimes couples split the holidays, like mom gets Christmas, while dad takes Thanksgiving.
    • Another common strategy is to alternate years. You get Thanksgiving next year, but this year the kids spend it with your ex.

    However the situation unfolds, holidays feel like they’re missing a major ingredient without your kids in the mix. 

    Feelings of sadness and depression may set in. Especially for newly divorced dads. Over time, you’ll probably come to terms with the situation, get used to it, and figure out ways to deal. But that first time stings the most.

    Fortunately, you don’t have to wallow in misery and have a pity party. That’s not healthy for anyone. There are ways to deal with divorce on Thanksgiving, and here are just a few tips and suggestions to help you through.

    Related Reading: Awesome Movies to Watch With Your Kids

    Celebrate Thanksgiving Another Way

    Just because Thanksgiving falls on a specific day doesn’t mean that’s when you have to celebrate. You don’t even have to see your kids in person. Set up a Zoom or Facetime celebration if you can’t see them face-to-face.

    And there’s no law against eating turkey on a day before or after the holiday proper—trust us, we’re lawyers, we looked into it. Your kids might even love having a second Thanksgiving.

    Do Something Fun On Your Own

    Even though you may be on your own, that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself. Don’t waste the day off feeling sorry for yourself or moping. There’s nothing wrong with being alone and enjoying your time.

    You can go to the movies, watch Thanksgiving Day football games at a sports bar, and eat whatever you want. You can always volunteer somewhere and take your mind off of your problems for a while and do some good for your community.

    Rally The Troops

    There’s no reason you have to be alone on Thanksgiving, even if your children are with you’re your ex. Maybe you know other people in similar situations, who can’t be with family for one reason or another. A “Friendsgiving” is an increasingly popular option.

    You’re probably not the only one looking for some comradery on the holiday. And if you make it a potluck, you don’t even have to do all the cooking and cleaning yourself. Everyone wins.

    Start New Thanksgiving Traditions

    You may have to pack up an old tradition and put it away, but what better time to start a new one? Or at least plan for something new. 

    Get with your kids and talk about what you want to do when this is all over. It can be a big, grand adventure, like a trip, or something small, like a movie date. Talk about what you want to do next Thanksgiving and maybe plan for a new family holiday ritual.

    Talk to Your Kids

    Whatever you ultimately decide to do, the most important thing is to talk to your kids.

    • You’re going through a tough, tumultuous time. But so are they.
    • Your life changed dramatically. So did theirs.
    • Remind them how much they mean to you and how much you care about them.
    • It’s vital to take steps to ensure they’re comfortable, secure, and understand the new situation.
    • Do what you can to make sure they have a happy, fun Thanksgiving.
    • In general, after divorce, open lines of communication with your kids are key, but it’s especially critical on holidays and other major events.
    • Remember, this isn’t only about you.

    These are just a few tips and suggestions to help newly divorced dads through Thanksgiving. It can be tough, but remember, it’s a holiday designed for giving thanks and being grateful for what you do have, not what you don’t.

    You may not feel like dwelling on the positive, but it’s better than the alternative. Take care of yourself, hug your kids, eat too much, and watch football. In short, take the time to appreciate the good things.

    Related Reading: Tips to Keep Custody Exchanges Civil

  • What Is Divorce Arbitration? Is it The Right Choice?

    Going to court during a divorce is stressful, hectic, and expensive. Among other things. There are, however, other options besides a trial for ending a marriage. One path many couples choose is arbitration. It can be complicated and doesn’t fit every situation, but it may be right for your case.

    What Is Divorce Arbitration?

    In family law, arbitration is an alternate dispute resolution (ADR). That’s a fancy way of saying it’s an option besides the traditional method of going to court, presenting arguments, and having a judge rule.

    In arbitration, the parties contractually agree to handle the matter privately. The two sides enlist a third-party arbitrator to meet with everyone and decide the issues at hand.

    In this way, divorcing couples work to reach terms on child custody, property division, who gets the pets, spousal support, child support, and other topics that arise during the process.

    As it is voluntary, both spouses must agree to enter into family law arbitration. No one can be compelled into this undertaking against their will.

    When you do sign the agreement, however, it is legally binding. Both sides consent to have their dispute settled in this arena and abide by the ultimate decision.

    As with any legal option, it’s likely in your best interest to consult an attorney or experienced professional before entering into any binding agreement. Because it’s not the court, if things aren’t going their way, some people think they can get out of arbitration in the middle.

    With a few exceptions, that’s not an option unless the other party approves as well. But if they’re winning, why would they do that?

    Also, because it’s not the court, you can’t appeal any rulings handed down. Yet another reason to carefully consider all the options ahead of time.

    Related Reading:  Are Divorce Records Public?

    How Does the Process Work?

    While it has been used for years in various legal proceedings, arbitration has become a popular tool in divorce. Though it’s not a trial, the process does have some of the earmarks of a court proceeding.

    Similar to a traditional trial, in arbitration, both sides prepare cases, lay out arguments, and present evidence to support their claims.

    Instead of doing this before a judge, they do so in front of an arbitrator, often a lawyer or a retired judge who you pay.

    Most likely, if you and your spouse have each retained divorce attorneys, they will decide on an appropriate choice to oversee your case.

    Despite parallels, arbitration is usually much less formal than a courtroom setting.

    Why Choose Arbitration?

    Privacy: One of the big draws of arbitration is its relative privacy. Though court documents will still be public records, the actual proceeding is not public, unlike a trial. It’s just you, your spouse, your representation, and the arbitrator. No need to air dirty laundry in public.

    Cost: Though arbitration can still be expensive, it most often costs substantially less than going to court.

    Speed: A big part of why arbitration usually costs less than a trial is that it’s often much faster. The process itself doesn’t take as long, and with different, less strict rules and regulations, divorce lawyers often don’t have to spend as much time in preparation.

    Flexibility and Convenience: It can take months to set a court hearing. And when that finally happens, they rarely take your schedule into account. Arbitration, on the other hand, can be scheduled at your convenience, when it works best for the two sides. A date can also usually be arranged much quicker than a trial.

    Less Formal: Arbitration is a much less formal affair than a trial and has simpler rules. This environment puts some people at ease. It often soothes the heightened tensions of court, gives participants more opportunity to speak up, and leads to the two sides working better together.

    Related Reading: What is Mediation? Different Types of Mediation Styles

    Why Arbitration May Be The Wrong Choice

    In certain cases, arbitration offers significant benefits. That’s not to say it isn’t without potential disadvantages.

    The fact that, unlike court, there is no appeal process for unfavorable decisions turns some people off to arbitration.

    Especially as divorce cases can be unpredictable, the idea of being stuck with the resolution unsettles some.

    Though an arbitration agreement is binding, if your spouse doesn’t abide by it, you may still have to go to court to enforce the order. This takes a lot of time and money, and perhaps a middle step could have been avoided.

    An alternative to a traditional divorce trial, arbitration is a good option in certain cases. Though it’s a great choice at times, another option is preferable at others.

    As with most legal decisions, it’s in your best interest to consult a divorce lawyer beforehand. Make sure you fully explore and understand all of your options before making such a monumental decision.

    Related Reading: A Look At Divorce Rates By Generation

  • Do Grandparents Have Custody or Visitation Rights in Washington?

    Families often include much more than just parents and children. Extended families are common and grandparents frequently play large roles in a child’s life. When it comes to custody and visitation, however,  do grandparents have rights in Washington?

    As so often happens in family law matters, this situation gets complicated fast. While many states have provisions and laws to secure visitation rights for grandparents, Washington does not.

    Unfortunately, when it comes to grandparents’ rights, the state of the law in Washington is fairly tough. Grandparents’ rights are nearly non-existent. You will only see grandparents get involved when a parent is incapable of filling the parent role. In those instances, you may see a grandparent step in as a third-party custodian.

  • Dividing Retirement Benefits in Divorce: Common Financial Mistakes

    Ending a marriage has drastic financial implications, regardless of the spouses’ ages. But the longer the marriage, the more complicated a divorce becomes. In many cases of so-called gray divorce, you must address dividing retirement benefits, Social Security, and other specific financial issues.

    What Is Gray Divorce?

    Gray divorce generally refers to spouses over the age of 50 who end their marriage. The divorce rate for couples over 50 has more than doubled over the last 20 years. Roughly one in four divorces involve couples aged 50 and older, while approximately one in ten involve couples aged 65 and older.

    Is Gray Divorce Different?

    The same laws govern divorce at any age. However, couples approaching retirement face several unique potential pitfalls and challenges. Here are some common mistakes to avoid in divorce as you near retirement.

    What Retirement Benefits Are You Entitled To?

    Throughout a marriage, spouses’ lives intertwine. As time passes by, you become eligible for certain retirement benefits based on your spouse.

    • For unions lasting over ten years, you may be eligible to receive Social Security based on your ex’s work history.
    • If your spouse served in the military, you are entitled to collect a portion of any pension.

    A number of such potential allowances exist, but if you’re not aware of them, you may leave money on the table.

    Social Security Eligibility After Divorce

    Being married for a minimum of ten years entitles you to half of your spouse’s Social Security benefits after divorce. That’s great, but, as with most things involving the government, it’s not that simple.

    You must be at least 62 years old and currently unmarried.

    Whether or not your ex remarries is beside the point. However, your ex must also be eligible for Social Security in the first place. If you hope to collect based on your ex’s work history, any benefit must be larger than your own.

    Simply put, you get one or the other, not both. What you receive also depends on when you take them—if you wait until full retirement age, you will receive a higher amount.

    Related Reading: 11 Strategies to Know Before Filing for Divorce

    Common Financial Mistakes in Gray Divorce

    Even beyond dividing retirement benefits, gray divorce presents several other unique and challenging concerns. To achieve the best settlement, it is essential to be aware of these and other potential issues.

    Don’t Automatically Choose The House Over Other Assets

    In many divorces, a shared home is often the most significant asset to be divided between the parties. It makes sense. This is, for most of us, the most expensive, significant thing we’ll ever buy. Also, it’s where we’ve lived for years, it’s our home. As a result, many people fight tooth and nail to keep the house.

    However, this may not always be the best financial choice. Houses cost money to maintain and are often difficult to liquidate, depending on your market.

    A more prudent move may be to withdraw retirement funds and let your spouse retain the house. Another option is to sell the house and split the proceeds. That’s money you can use to bolster your retirement savings.

    Related Reading: A House Divided: Splitting Up the Home in Divorce

    Don’t Ignore Tax Implications Of Retirement Benefits

    Ignore the tax implications of retirement benefits divided in divorce at your peril. You may think you’re getting one amount but wind up with something very different.

    It’s important to know the differences between things like a traditional 401(k) or IRA versus a Roth IRA or Roth 401(k). In this instance, one is taxable, one is not.

    When you withdraw money from a standard IRA or 401(k), the IRS taxes you when you remove money. So, if you have a $100,000 401(k), you wind up with substantially less.

    On the other hand, with a Roth IRA, you pay the taxes when the money is deposited into the account, not when you make a withdrawal. The money is taxed ahead of time.

    On paper, a $200,000 IRA and a $200,000 Roth IRA may look the same, but in practice, they’re pretty different. Knowing such details may give you a leg up.

    Related Reading: Can You File For Bankruptcy During a Divorce?

    Don’t Raid Retirement Savings

    It’s often tempting to dip into retirement savings early. After all, it looks like this big chunk of cash is just sitting there, waiting to be spent. This is especially enticing if you rack up significant expenses or lose income during the divorce process.

    However, remember that every time you make a withdrawal, you erode your retirement savings. Not to mention, you face taxes, fees, and penalties for early withdrawals. It may be worth it or even necessary in some situations, but make this decision carefully.

    Be Aware Of Mutual Debt

    Washington is a community property state, which has a substantial impact on divorce settlements. Under these statutes, the court views all assets acquired during a marriage as belonging equally to both spouses and subsequently divides the property accordingly.

    So, too, is debt.

    This is an issue in marriages of all lengths, but if your spouse has been building debt for years without your knowledge, you could be in for a nasty surprise.

    If you’re close to retirement, you don’t want to start a new phase of your life in a deep hole. It’s yet another reminder to keep a close eye on the family finances, all of them.

    Like most situations involving money and ending a marriage, things get complicated when it comes to divorce and retirement. There’s a lot to consider and many moving parts, and these are just a few.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided During A Divorce?

  • Parental Relocation: Can Your Ex Move With Your Child?

    In most situations, divorce represents a life-changing event with lasting repercussions. After a traumatic experience, after ending a marriage, many people want to get as far away as possible. If it’s just you, relocation is simple enough. However, when children are involved, matters become more complicated.

    We generally talk about this as if your ex wants to relocate with the kids. In reality, however, the same rules and restrictions also apply if you plan to move.

    What if your ex has custody and wants to relocate?

    Child custody is a huge point of concern and contention in many divorces. One component of a parenting plan is where the parent with primary custody lives with the children.

    Moving to a new house within the same school district is one thing. In these cases, the noncustodial parent has no grounds to object, though the new contact information must be shared.

    But a great distance, outside of the child’s current school district or to another state for example, is something else entirely.

    There are many reasons for relocating after a divorce. Escaping negative memories, new career and employment opportunities, and being near family, friends, or a support system. All of these factors and more often play a part in the decision.

    Parenting Plans And Relocation

    Creating a parenting plan is a significant part of the divorce process when children are involved.

    This is where you and your spouse work out the details regarding your respective parenting responsibilities. The two sides must arrange for primary custody, visitation, child support, and other matters.

    Laying the groundwork for a parenting plan can be a challenge in the best of circumstances. Schedules come into play, and all manner of logistical concerns arise.

    It’s difficult enough to set up vacations, weekend visits, soccer games, after-school activities, and all the rest even if you and your ex live in the same place.

    A great deal of effort goes into this document. Ultimately, your parenting plan has a significant impact on whether you or your ex can relocate with your children.

    To move, the custodial parent must file for a modification to the current custody agreement and obtain permission.

    If there isn’t a parenting plan or custody order in play, the custodial parent may be free to move at will. At least as long as there are no violations of Washington’s laws against custodial interference or the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act.

    The parent who does not have the majority of residential time often seeks our services to prevent the intended relocation of the other parent, or to assist in negotiating or litigating a new reasonable Parenting Plan.

    However, a parent who spends most of their time with their children may need our assistance in following the proper procedures to facilitate the move.

    Related Reading: What Does a Parenting Plan Include?

    Parental Relocation Hearings

    The good news for you is that in most cases, your ex can’t simply decide to relocate with the kids.

    Like most things regarding kids, there’s a strict process and a procedure to follow, and you have recourse. Moving away without the court’s express permission can result in contempt charges, fines, and even imprisonment.

    The most common way to obtain this authorization is through a relocation hearing. If your ex wants to relocate with the kids, unless you’re okay with that, you’ll likely wind up in front of a judge.

    In Washington, the custodial parent is required to give a minimum of 60 days notice before the move. Once notice is served, the noncustodial parent has 30 days to file a formal objection.

    After that, the court sets a trial to determine whether the move represents the child’s best interests.

    Related Reading: Guardian Ad Litem: What You Need to Know

    How Does The Court Decide on Relocation?

    When it comes to child custody and matters involving minors, the best interests of the kids trump almost everything else.

    This is what the courts weigh most heavily in these matters. Much more than parental preference or convenience.

    Your ex may argue that moving to a new area enhances the children’s quality of life.

    Perhaps there’s a new job or financial opportunity, an extended network of family to provide childcare, or increased stability. Remarriage is also a common drive in these cases. The child’s needs may be better met in a new environment.

    There are numerous reasons why people choose to relocate.

    If you hope to block a move, you have to show that where the child lives currently is the best possible situation. This can be tough, however, and the custodial parent usually has the edge.

    The strain of removing the child from a familiar environment and reducing contact with the non-custodial parent are two elements that contribute to this.

    What Does The Court Look At When Making a Decision?

      • What motivation or desire prompted the relocation?
      • Are there advantages that benefit the child and improve their life?
      • Why do you oppose this move?
      • What are the logistics and financial impact?
      • What disadvantages will the move cause?
      • Is it possible to arrange a reasonable visitation schedule that preserves the parental relationship with the non-custodial parent?
      • What’s the likelihood that the parent with primary custody will honor the agreement?
      • Will a move truly afford the child(ren) an opportunity to form a relationship and bond with extended members of their family?

    In Washington State, the primary burden is actually upon the non-custodial parent. If the parent with primary custody desires to remove the child from the state, you must demonstrate that keeping the child in the state is in the child’s best interest.

    Do You Have To Go to Court If Your Ex Wants to Relocate?

    Relocation hearings don’t always happen when one parent wants to move away or out of state. If you and your ex can work out the details together, it’s possible to arrange it on your own. It may be complicated, but it is an option.

    In the case of an out-of-state move, both parents must give their consent and sign the appropriate documents. Before relocation occurs, a judge must also sign off on the matter and approve the move.

    How To Make It Work

    No matter how prepared you are, your ex may be granted permission to relocate with your children.

    Ideally, this decision will truly be what’s best for the kids, not one made out of spite or bitterness. However, that doesn’t make being apart from your family any easier.

    A great distance creates a new set of logistical problems to overcome.

    As your usual visitation won’t likely work anymore, you’ll have to make other arrangements.

    Instead of weekly overnights, perhaps your ex will make additional concessions. You may be able to coordinate more extended visits during holidays, summer vacations, or school breaks.

    Travel is another issue you face after relocation. If the distance is too long to reasonably drive, the kids will likely have to fly back and forth.

    In this situation, who pays for the plane tickets? Are the kids old enough to fly by themselves? If you go to them and make the effort to visit the new city, you incur your travel costs.

    These are all issues that you must confront and address. Ideally, both parties are amicable and able to work out a mutually beneficial arrangement for everyone involved.

    Related Reading: Co-Parenting Strategies for Divorced Parents

    Communication

    Even if you aren’t able to visit your children in person as often, you still have other ways to stay in touch.

    With cell phones, text messages, video chats, and social media, there are more tools available than ever before. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you don’t have opportunities to interact and stay a regular part of your child’s routine.

    Though there may be a great physical distance, you can remain an active part of your child’s life.

    • Make sure that the flow of information doesn’t dry up.
    • Do your best to keep up to date on their daily lives.
    • Whether it’s medical appointments, baseball games, grades, or disciplinary issues, keep the lines of communication as open as possible.

    These often seem like mundane details, but they are essential for maintaining an active presence as your child continues to grow.

    Preparing for Relocation

    The level of communication between you and your ex after divorce will likely vary a great deal. However, if you have kids, there will necessarily be some form of interaction.

    Ideally, if your former spouse intends to relocate, they’ll tell you well in advance.

    As we said, they’re legally required to give 60 days’ notice, but hopefully, they provide more than the bare  minimum. Even if it’s just an idea, or they let you know they applied for a job in a new city, hopefully they broach the subject well in advance.

    The more notice you receive, the more time you have to prepare. Either to contest the proposed move or to hammer out the logistics of the new arrangement.

    If you do plan to fight relocation, and the two sides can’t agree, consider hiring an attorney to help with the court process. These trials can become complex and contentious, and it’s usually your best option to have someone represent your rights and interests.

    Moving Forward

    If you don’t have a custody order or aren’t planning to obtain one, please recognize its significance. Understand that your parental rights may already be in jeopardy if you don’t have primary custody and your former spouse has a reasonable argument to move away with your kids.

    Whether they have a new spouse from a different area, a job that necessitates a move, or need to care for sick relatives, the bottom line is that unless you, the non-custodial parent, have a compelling reason to prevent your ex from relocating, it’s tricky to stop a move legally.

    Related Reading: Can You Modify Child Support Payments?

  • Co-Parenting Strategies

    The papers are signed, the assets divided, and the logistics all worked out. Everything’s done and over, and you never have to see your now-ex ever again, right? In some cases, the answer is a resounding yes. If you have children, however, it’s not always so easy. Welcome to the brave new world of co-parenting, these co-parenting strategies just might save your life. Or at least your sanity.

    What Is Co-Parenting?

    Co-parenting is when a couple breaks up, divorces, or otherwise separates, but continues to work together to raise a child or children. This basically becomes your new reality in one form or another.

    When a divorce involves kids, a key part of the process in Washington is the parenting plan. This lays out custody, visitation, child support payments, and how much time each parent spends with the kids.

    For most people, co-parenting represents a substantial change and the adjustment can be tough. You’ve got scheduling and logistical hurdles to clear. Then there’s the fact that you have to communicate with and most likely see your ex, which can be difficult for some.

    Co-Parenting Strategies

    Kids go through a lot in divorce. Co-parenting is no picnic for them, either. Just as you need to take care as you traverse this rugged terrain, you need to make sure they also have the tools to contend with a tumultuous, emotional time.

    With that in mind, here are some suggestions and potential co-parenting strategies for keeping things as smooth as possible.

    1. Communication and Co-Parenting Strategies

    There are visitation schedules to arrange, vacations to plan for, and it’s important each parent lets the other know what’s going on in a child’s life. How much work this takes depends on how amicable you and your ex are after the split.

    This is often difficult, but fortunately, we live in an age of technological marvels that can lend a hand.

    If you can’t talk in person or on the phone without arguing, email, text messages, social media, and instant messaging services provide alternative ways to stay in touch. Various online co-parenting tools and smartphone apps also help balance hectic schedules.

    2. Co-Parenting and Consistency

    Kids tend to push back and test boundaries in new situations. When rules and expectations change from one parent to the next, problems often arise. Consistency across the board is essential to keep things from going too far.

    Establishing a uniform structure between homes often reduces conflict. The kids can’t say, “But dad lets me…” or “At mom’s house…” because you already know the rules about homework, bedtime, and all the rest.

    Not only does this provide stability after an unstable time, it makes day-to-day life easier.

    3. Co-Parenting And Schedules

    While consistency is key in co-parenting, another big part of that is maintaining a regular schedule.

    Watching parents go through a divorce is often confusing and disorienting for kids. Keeping a steady schedule goes a long way toward creating a sense of stability and normalcy. This way they know where they’ll be, who they’ll see, and what to expect.

    Children lead increasingly busy, hectic lives, and changes are bound to happen. When they do, it’s important to let the kids know as far in advance as possible, so they know what to anticipate.

    4. Stay Positive

    For the sake of your children, it’s important to commit to keeping a positive attitude in co-parenting.

    Try your best not to fight—often easier said than done—your kids have likely seen enough of that to last a lifetime. Don’t badmouth your ex in front of, or especially to your kids.

    You don’t have to like your ex, but for the kids, try to keep your emotions in check. It isn’t always easy to avoid, but bitterness doesn’t do anyone any good, and your kids first and foremost.

    And never use your children as tools for revenge or retribution. It will come back to haunt you in many ways.

    5. Love Your Kids

    This probably sounds obvious, but it’s a detail that too often gets lost in the shuffle. How the custody arrangement shakes out impacts a parent’s relationship with their kids. No matter what, it’s never going to be exactly the same as it was.

    The parent with primary physical custody may feel overwhelmed by taking care of everything. On the other hand, if you only see your kids every other weekend, it can make you feel isolated. It’s easy to focus on these aspects and wallow, but it’s vital to remind your kids how much you care about them.

    Even though you may have unequal parenting time, each parent remains a key part of the child’s life. Remind them that they’re loved and cared for. Show them and tell them how much they mean to you.

    Co-parenting after divorce isn’t always easy, but there are ways to make it work. These are just a few tools and strategies that may prove useful, though you’ll have to see what works best for you and your situation.

    If nothing else, remember that your kids are what’s most important. Keep that in mind and you’re at least on the right track.

    Related Reading: What Does a Parenting Plan Include?

  • Verifying Post-Secondary Support Payments

    In most cases following divorce, child support payments end when a child turns 18, or when they graduate high school, whichever comes later. There are scenarios where it continues, and post-secondary education is probably the most common. In this situation, payments continue beyond the child’s 18th birthday.

    These payments are expensive—it’s no surprise college is pricey. You may be on the hook for your child’s tuition. It makes sense to want to verify these post-secondary support payments, but how?

    One of our founding partners, Rick Jones, regularly appears on the Danny Bonaduce and Sarah Morning Show, to answer common family law questions. On a recent episode, a listener emailed in a question about this very topic.

    His daughter recently graduated from community college. She says she plans to enroll in the University of Washington but hasn’t given him any proof. He wants to continue to support her, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to be taken advantage of.

    How can he go about verifying his post-secondary support payments?

    Related Reading: When Can Child Support Continue Past Age 18?

    Check out the Post-Secondary Support Conversation Below:

    Question: “Tom’s daughter recently graduated from a community college. The court orders say he has to pay [post-secondary support] until she graduates or [until] her 23rd birthday. Supposedly she’s trying to go to the UW now, but she’s not supplied him any kind of paperwork or proof. Just a Facebook picture of her at Husky Stadium. [Background laughter.] What kind of proof do they need to supply that she’s actually enrolled in the university?”

    Danny: “I have pictures of me at Husky Stadium.”

    Sarah: “Does she have to provide proof or because she graduated from community college, is that her graduating and he’s done [paying child support]?”

    Rick: “Well first, Go Dawgs!

    “You know, it’s actually a really good question. The fact that she graduated from a community college doesn’t necessarily put an end to it because we know that there can be more, especially for an aspiring student. Certainly, the court’s attitude is very open to continuing education, so I don’t see the door shutting on that.

    “At the same time though, she is going to need to prove that it’s more than just a spoof on him. Whether it’s registration, whether it’s a grade report or at least progress to it.

    “If she misses a quarter or misses a summer, it’s not going to be the death-nail for it. But let’s say she misses a couple of quarters or doesn’t enroll for a couple of quarters, then that is problematic for her.”

    Sarah: “And does he just stop paying then, or does he have to go back to the court and say, ‘She’s not proven that she’s going to school, can I stop paying?’”

    Rick: “It depends on how he’s paying right now. Most orders go through the state, through this DCS [Division of Child Support] I was talking about. So if he’s already doing that, he really should be continuing that or at least getting with them and explain why he’s going to be stopping.

    “If he’s paying the institution directly, well, obviously that stopped because it’s no longer community college.

    “If he’s paying the mother—which would be rare for post-secondary—but if he’s paying the mother, then yeah, stop.”

    Related Reading: Child Support Modification: How To Change A Child Support Order

  • How Spousal Support Works In Washington

    Divorce is a lot. You have the division of property, child custody, visitation, child support, and all the rest. And once you handle all of that, the court may still order spousal support.

    What Is Spousal Support?

    Spousal support, also called alimony or spousal maintenance, is court-ordered payments intended to lessen the financial hardship of a dependent spouse after divorce. It can last for a short time or continue indefinitely, depending on the circumstances.

    Spousal support most often comes into play when there’s a significant gap in earning potential between spouses. It also figures into cases of substantial financial need.

    By and large, it’s men who pay spousal support. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 243,000 people received spousal support, and 98% of recipients were women.

    How is Spousal Support Calculated in Washington State?

    Spousal support regulations vary widely from state to state. For instance, both Oregon and California have multiple types of orders the court can award to address specific conditions. The system in Washington, however, is more fluid and less formulaic.

    With no uniform criteria, individual judges use a list of factors to decide whether to award spousal support, the amount of these payments, and the duration.

    They can be temporary or last indefinitely, and payments can be periodic and regular or a single lump sum. In these cases, the courts have broad discretion.

    When it comes time to determine spousal support in Washington, the key factors considered include:

    • Length of the union.
    • Standard of living experienced during the marriage.
    • Age of the requesting spouse.
    • If one spouse financially supported the other.
    • If a spouse has a physical disability.
    • The mental and emotional health of the dependent party.
    • Financial obligations,
    • The other spouse’s ability to pay.

    Essentially, the court looks at any factors that further influence a spouse’s financial state following a divorce. All of these pieces play a role. The longer the marriage, the more likely the court is to award spousal support.

    Support may also be awarded to help one spouse get training to advance employment opportunities, increase future earning potential, and gain financial independence.

    In cases where one spouse contributed substantially to the education or financial prospects of the other, the court can also award spousal support. This is most common in situations where one spouse worked to put the other through school or in similar situations.

    In some cases, the court can award spousal support indefinitely. Can is the key word. In these cases the cheating must have a direct and significant impact on financial standing. And even in those situations, it’s difficult to prove.

    In general, spousal support is most often awarded when a significant disparity in earning capacity exists between spouses, one unlikely to ever close. It also pops up in situations where the dependent spouse is unable to work or find suitable employment due to health issues.

    Washington’s non-formulaic approach to spousal support means the process is much less predictable than in other states.

    Since the outcome is far from guaranteed, it makes negotiating a longer, more difficult—not to mention expensive—process. More time in court also generally means additional stress to those involved.

    Related Reading: What’s in a Divorce Decree?

    Can You Get Support Payments If You Were Never Married?

    No, the court only gives spousal support when you were married.

    How Taxes Work

    Any spousal support ordered after December 31, 2018, is subject to the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017. It abolished a tax deduction that had been on the books for more than 70 years.

    For divorce settlements after December 31, 2018, the paying spouse is no longer be able to deduct this amount. At the same time, the recipient no longer has to pay taxes on that money.

    The previous situation gave the payer a major “above the line” deduction (as opposed to an itemized deduction).

    The deduction often saved the payer a substantial sum, which left more money to divide between exes. The new way reduces the gross amount and washes away the benefits of the deduction.

    Support Payment Modification

    One important thing to be aware of with spousal support is how difficult it is to modify after the fact. It is technically possible, but it’s usually a steep uphill battle.

    A significant, unexpected change in circumstances must happen to alter an existing order. This can be the loss of a job, receipt of a promotion, or a similar occurrence. The party filing for the adjustment needs to provide evidence supporting these claims.

    Amending can be time-consuming and costly, and even then, the court may resist. Because of this, it’s critical to understand all the details of your spousal support order before you sign.

    If both parties settle on terms, it is possible to modify an existing agreement on your own.

    The exes need to enter into a written contract laying out the specifics. This then requires a judge to sign off to make it official.

    One item of note: If you already have a support order and want to modify it, it will likely be subject to the new tax code.

    Related Reading: My Ex Won’t Follow The Divorce Agreement: Motion For Contempt

    Termination Of Support Orders

    Spousal support payments come to an end if one spouse dies. No one can force you to make payments to the deceased’s estate, nor can you collect payments from their family.

    If the recipient remarries, that also constitutes a substantial change in circumstances. Payments then terminate by law in Washington, unless otherwise specified in the divorce decree.

    Finances following a divorce have a significant impact on the next phase of your life. Moving forward is much more difficult when you start in a preexisting hole. This is why taking the time to ensure you have the optimal spousal support agreement, whichever side you fall on, becomes so vital.

    Related Reading: Average Divorce Costs In Washington

  • Divorce Jurisdiction: Where You File Matters

    So many factors impact your divorce. A huge one is when you decide to file for divorce. Because, as you’ll learn, jurisdiction has a major impact on your case.

    How Does the Jurisdiction You Choose Affect Divorce And Child Custody?

    If you and your spouse have established residency in a single state, you only really have one option about where to file for divorce.

    But if you’ve recently moved, if the two of you live in different states, or even if you own homes elsewhere, all of that influences which state has jurisdiction over your case. Or at least it can.

    Different states often have very, very different rules for divorce and custody. In some states, laws even vary by county.

    For example, in property division, Oregon follows an equitable distribution model. Washington, on the other hand, is a community property state. This means the two states view and thus divide assets in specific ways.

    And that’s just one area where jurisdiction comes into play.

    States often differ on custody, the child support formula, spousal support, and more. It may not always have a drastic influence, but you may find one state’s laws favor your case where another’s don’t.

    However it works out, it’s an important topic to consider.

    Related Reading: How Does Washington Divide Debt In Divorce?

    Where You File For Divorce

    People often think you have to file for divorce in the state where you married. That’s not true.

    You do, however, need to be a legal resident of the state where you file.

    Some states require a waiting period after you become a resident before you can file. This keeps people from moving to a new state with favorable laws and divorcing right away, thus gaming the system.

    Washington doesn’t work this way, but it does have certain stipulations.

    You must be a Washington resident, a member of the armed forces stationed here, or married to a Washington resident or member of the military stationed here. If you check one of those boxes, you can file for divorce here.

    When spouses live in different states, this also impacts jurisdiction.

    For example, if your spouse lives in California, she can file there. If you both agree, you can file wherever you please.

    In most cases, the state where the papers are ultimately filed maintains jurisdiction. This presents something to consider when filing. Timing may also be a factor.

    Related Reading: Preparing for a Consultation With a Divorce Lawyer

    Jurisdiction And Divorce

    So, how exactly does jurisdiction impact divorce? It can play into how financial matters shake out. Often, it influences how much time you spend with your children. In reality, it can and often does sway almost every aspect of the process.

    • Division of Property: As mentioned earlier, Washington follows community property principles when dividing assets during a divorce. This is different from Oregon, which uses the equitable distribution model. Community property views all assets acquired during a marriage as equally belonging to both spouses. This has a significant influence on how courts allocate assets and debts. It’s essential to understand how things vary from one jurisdiction to another.
    • Child Custody: Many factors influence custody decisions, and states weigh them all differently. The language often varies from state to state. Some states even allow non-blood relatives to vie for custody in certain cases. Deciding jurisdiction in custody cases is a complex issue, but more on that later.
    • Child Support: Child support payments cover a child’s basic necessities. Things like food, shelter, medical care, and education. States generally follow a rigid formula to determine this number. It weighs various factors. You plug certain numbers into an equation, and it produces an amount. But like other areas, variations to the formula occur as you cross state borders, which can cause major changes.
    • Spousal Support: Spousal support doesn’t follow a strict formula like child support, but the goal remains similar. It aims to provide financial support for dependent spouses after divorce. In some cases, it only lasts a short time. In others, it continues indefinitely. As you probably guessed, how states approach this varies greatly. Oregon, for example, has three specific types of spousal support. Washington, on the other hand, doesn’t, though payments tend to follow a pattern based on factors such as the length of the marriage, earning potential, and financial need.

    How Children Impact Jurisdiction

    Children tend to complicate divorce proceedings. Their presence affects things emotionally and financially, and they can even play a role in determining jurisdiction.

    We mentioned above how jurisdiction affects custody, but children can also influence where a case takes place.

    Spouses can agree to which state has jurisdiction. But when a divorce involves a custody component, that decision isn’t always entirely up to the parents.

    Things can get very complicated, which is where the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act comes in.

    Created in the 1960s and adopted by every state by the early 1980s, the UCCJEA establishes rules governing jurisdiction in child custody cases. A complex set of rules and regulations, it establishes the “home state” in these situations.

    Under the UCCJEA, courts consider many factors. Where the child has lived for the past six months is a major factor. If a child has significant connections in a state, that also plays a role. In grave circumstances, states can even declare emergency jurisdiction.

    The goal is to serve the best interests of the child or children in question. This is already a traumatic time, and the laws aim to best help the children’s well-being. So, though you may want to file for divorce in one state, in certain situations, another state may hold jurisdiction.

    These are only a few of the ways in which you file for divorce matters. Jurisdiction can have a major influence on many aspects of ending a marriage. Laws often vary in ways you don’t expect. As such, it’s vital to know the specific rules and regulations that apply to your case.

    If you have questions about your divorce, contact Goldberg Jones at our Seattle office. Our experienced attorneys are well-versed in Washington divorce and custody law.

    Related Reading: What to Expect From Child Custody Hearings

  • How Divorce Affects Health Insurance

    Divorce changes every aspect of your life. Some of these are obvious, like where you live or how much you see your kids, but others are less apparent. One thing that often goes overlooked is how divorce affects health insurance.

    How Is Health Insurance Affected By Divorce?

    If during the marriage both spouses were on the same health insurance plan, you need to take certain steps.

    What If One Spouse Provided All Coverage?

    As a separation unfolds, it’s important to maintain coverage. If your spouse provided health insurance to both of you, say through their employer, in order to guarantee there’s no lapse, it’s essential to be proactive.

    The good news is that you have options to ensure you maintain your insurance following a divorce:

    Request health insurance as part of the divorce settlement. In some instances, there are ways to maintain partial coverage. A judge may require one spouse to continue providing health insurance to the other until they obtain their own. In some cases, the court even orders financial assistance to cover costs.

    Continue coverage under your ex’s insurance. This is also known as the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, or COBRA. If your ex provided health insurance and works for a company that employs 20 or more people, under federal law, you’re eligible for continued coverage through that plan.

    COBRA allows you to remain on your ex’s coverage for up to three years. This becomes void if you remarry before that time or receive health insurance through your employer. or another source. Though it does allow for continued coverage, you pay for COBRA, which comes with a significant cost.

    Coverage from your employer. This is usually the best option. Many employers provide some form of health insurance to their employees and foot part of the bill. This option is often significantly cheaper than COBRA, where you have to pay the entire premium. Depending on the coverage, you may also be able to cover your children and family.

    Buy an insurance plan on the open market. You also have the option of using an insurance agent in order to sign up for an individual healthcare plan. This may be an option if your employer doesn’t offer insurance or only provides limited coverage.

    Related Reading: Personal Injury Settlements and Divorce

    How Long Do I Have to Get My Own Health Insurance?

    Many insurance providers give policyholders a window of 30 days to report any changes. Notifying the insurance company also helps ensure that there is no gap in coverage. Not only does a lack of health insurance leave you at risk, but it also impacts your taxes.

    Related Reading: Divorce or Bankruptcy: Which to File First

    What If We Choose Legal Separation Over Divorce?

    Legal separation offers an alternative to divorce. It’s like putting your marriage on hold. Both parties live their own lives but remain married in the eyes of the law.

    In some cases, legal separation allows a dependent spouse to stay on the other’s health insurance.

    Like so much else, this varies from one case to the next. A lot depends on your specific policy and provider. Still, this may be an option if you fit the criteria. It’s especially useful in cases of long-term health issues and may be worth looking into.

    Related Reading: How Legal Separation Differs From Divorce

    Do My Children Still Have Health Insurance?

    Following a divorce or a breakup, the law requires all children to have health insurance if available to one or both of the parents at a reasonable cost. How a judge allocates the coverage remains up to their discretion.

    The court may require one spouse to provide all of the protection. That doesn’t mean, however, you have to supply coverage to your ex. In order to ensure there’s no gap, it’s beneficial to deal with this early in the separation.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided During A Divorce?